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lovewins 
11:35am Yesterday
i feel so depressed and alone
i walk these streets
and i feel like i am not at home
i remember when i had a sense of inner security
now i bleed alone without a sense to believe
i feel pain alot in my body
which in turns fucks up my pyshe
i feel dreaded agony
i ask why live on this earth with misery
i cry inside and bleed
i wanna scream
i wanna go hide
i feel like a nobody inside
i cry tears of pain and i bleed again
i wanna be my own friend
but deep inside i wish my life would end
i know i am a good guy
heard that crap 2 many times
i just feel ugly inside
forget my smile and what i do
i am goin inside me
the real sidney who deeply always felt lonely
stupid dumb and am shocked really
when people are nice to me
today i was on the streets
and this guy said hi to me
i said hi shockingly
i do not know why people even care about me
at times i want people to hate me
i do not know why
maybe cuz it is normal
since i came from a family
that harbored negativity
i feel pain so deep
i can not even breathe
i feel like why be my own worst enemy
anxiety confusion illusions
why do i deserve to breathe
maybe DS is my asnwer
to help you guys see i am human
and just like you
and i can not be a pastor
with a great answer to life's cancer
but i can be your friend in need
just writin this made me
feel better and human
with no need to be superman
been hidin who i am
now i am fragile before you guys
cuz i am DS
and you are DS
the world is DS
we need innner love as strength
i feel pain
that is why i can relate
i may not have the physical strength all the time
or the mental edge to fight
but god will deliver me in due time
he will help all who are lonely in this life
just trust in him
but u have to be honest like i was here
we all have fears
and i am insecure paranoid in this worldy atmosphere
due to the fact i lived in fear all my life
i was told to hide my fears
while inside i died
turnin bipolarish
explodin on ppl like shit
oh man i feel a sense of release talkin abut my vulnerablities
afraid of bein or lookin weak has killed me deep
this mask must get off so i get really deep
into why i am sick and i need no therapy
i just need self l-o-v-e
i still hate myself at times
i know i am a good guy
but i feel so dead inside at times
i wanna cry but i feel numb inside
i feel like cryin now but i can not
i feel trapped inside
i am releasin yet my burdens seep into me
like the poison of a snake yearnin to kill me
i feel darkness hoverin around my soul
i feel the past takin its tolls
the good bad fightin inside my soul
i feel pain rupturin who i am
i feel afraid of who am i
i feel i will never get that wife
that i will die alone
that people will never love me
i feel invisible in this world
i need more self love
i need god
and i have it within
i just feel so distant
maybe i need to stop questionin what is
an d be grateful for bein able to live
no more time to look at BS
i have to get it
life is not about what was
i feel we need more self love
i need it
and i will try it
i am bleedin
but is it worth actin so anemic
and feelin like a piece of shit
best to believe it
i feel the brain is my enemy now
i need to come to terms i am human now
i forgive all who did me wrong
i cry i cry
i cry inside
i feel like crying
tears fall on me
my pain my misery
lord please i feel like i am drowning
i forgive yet memories come like daddy i miss u
i never learned how to be a man
i thought bein a man was lookin tough
instead i feel dumb numb
i am tired of actin like a so called man
a man to me is a man that admits he is weak and human
and is deep within a true gentlemen
from weakness harbors inner strength
from dust i will rise from ashes
from hate and fear i will live with the best passion
i can no longer act soulless
i was born to feel to care
screw the world and it's negative affairs
the light is in me so i will care
no need to compare me
to another man's dreams
nice cars girls are not the true reality
reality to me is a sense of inner peace
i know i am a very attractive guy
who can make things right
my peace is my poetry
i feel it within me
i do look beneath to see who i am to be
i accept that i am sick and weak
but i accept that i can rise to be free
from inner misery even when life turns bad for me
no need to care about the bullies
who made fun of me
or my stupid dumb family
that me and mommy angry
fuck it all
i am manic and i feel i got it
from too much bullshit
my mind does flip into the underworld of i feel like shit
bein alone stimulates the bulshit
walkin around in parks
i feel i am in the dark
with demons ready to fuck up my own heart
i really am not scared about who i am
i know i was fucked up a bit
i still do feel fucked up
i really do not care if ppl here DS think i am fucked up
cuz i am just fucked up or worst than some
but i see ppl we call bums
are more fucked up
i am who i am
can not apologize
i just accept the good bad
and i pray to do right
god loves me 100%
so fuck tryin to be fake
i am me and i am great
fuck what the haters say
fuck them all
i will be me
Comments
here if you need a mate xxxx
xxxKATxxx
wow this is good but sad as well i am glad you are letting us see you for who you are, you should always be you. I as well treat myself like shit and feel unworthy of everything its like a battle within. i am here for you sweetie
DreamsCanComeTrue1
Message heard! How natural your poetry rings like the sounds of the morning birds.
Kindmirrow
You've got true talent there. I wish I could express myself as well as you do.
tattyhead184
Hello dear. I don't like to see you in so much pain and we are here for you. My heart goes out for you and I want you to be strong and just keep having faith in God. You are in my prays and thoughts. I'm thinking of you and take care of yourself. Big hugs for you!!
cryouz31
You are, indeed, the most genuine person i know. Thank you for you. Be well. *huggs*
CrazymamaLJ
Having down days myself lately but can't quite figure why?.. Nothing compared to the pain you are feeling. Your words truely touch me and do bring tears to the tops of my eyes.. I truely wish I could (((Hug))) you in person .. Somewhere inside you have to know you are definately worth so much...Crying is not something I do easily also on the outside..Most to never ..Please tell me you definately saving these off the computer (your words) cause I wrote many poems and just spillings of myself awhile back at another place and did forget to print or save them for myself and something happened at the site and I lost them.. So my words are out there somewhere..*Sigh..
(((Hugs Hon)))
Jusme831
You aren't the things you called yourself,your good,inside and out and i'm sorry you feel so down.I hope you'll feel better tomorrow.{{hugs}}
grammy53
You are a good person, and you have much love in you. it's very apparent.
you are a good man, and I think you right a real man, does show his sensitivity...being tough is a bunch of macho bullshit. I love men that can talk about their vulnerabilities. It makes you human.
you take care of you, and tell yourself everyday you are a good man.
I am a mother of a bi-polar daughter. it was hard when she was growing up. back then, the word bi-polar never existed. so drs. would say nothing was wrong...have more patience. she always hated herself too. I would tell her what a beautiful loving person she was, and she would always put herself into the ground.
I think she is a wonderful human being, and when she gets manic on me, or out of control, she comes later to say sorry, and I always hug her and tell her I know she is sorry and I know she didn't mean to do what she did.
she was given meds that helped tremendously...but she decided she didn't want them, because they made her normal.
but I've watched her put herself into the ground.
and her self esteem left her, and confidence left her. I wish I could fix it fo rher, but I can't.
all I can do is be loving and caring.
she knows I love her, no matter what.
you take care of yourself.....and smile a smile for me.
hugs
nancy
Stuckinatree
Wow...that is sad...I hope it helps to know that I care. Lots of love, k.k.
kaykay
Wow... lots said... not sure I absorbed it all let alone processed it all in my mind. Mate, either way I'm here for a chat if you need. I think we're quite similar from what I managed to absorb. wsounds lke you're stuck in a rut not feeling u have anywhere to go. I'm here for u m8 u sound totally decent, interesting and VALUABLE. You have a LOT to offer. wud b good 2 get to know you... if u ever need a chat...
jodyman1
Wow! I feel your pain, you are not alone. I don't know all you been through but I know you been hurt but you are an inspiration and your words in this entry have helped me. I felt like a lot of this was written 'bout me. But I like how at the end you said "i am me and i am great". That's awesome. ***BIG HUGS*** Take care and blessings.
Ellocin
I feel your torment as I read your poem. Being bipolar causes me to go up & down, trust God & not trust God, love myself, hate myself, feel hope, feel dispair. You communicate so well in your poetry, of how you are feeling & who you are. Thanks so much for your openness. I'll do my best to be here for you, to encourage you & give you strength to go on (with God's help, of course)
Love you, brother,
Debi
2alone
Kisses and hugs for you dear, you are very special remember God still at throne he loves us and will never forsake am also going through a hard time nad my mantra is. If its to be its up to me and its achoice we make. Be brave my love. My story is worse than yours.
shiks
I feel like you just wrote my emotions, every one of them, into your poem. Thanks for putting it online so that it could be helpful to others like me. God Bless you!
Smooches
Wow this is incredible. I'm so sorry I have depression also but I will never say I know how it feels to be you. No one will ever know exactly how hard it is to be anyone else. I am also shocked at how wonderful and open and caring the people on here are. They accept everyone and stay open minded. It's incredible, no one I meet is like this, I'm so glad people on here are so kind.
sharingangirl28
wow....i feel the same way you feel. I am here if you need to talk to someone! n.n
shinda2
Why do you feel like this, I hope I can help you figure things out,
relaxevery1
look how many people care there are so many messages to you. it was a great but sad poem u are very gifted. don't forget u are a great person and just look at all the friends u have just made. hugs 2 u & send me a message any time always happy to chat x
frostyrose
WOW! This came from the HEART! You have guts. Not many people would ever reveal these skeletons. But you peeled back many layers,exposing truth so raw and deep. Thank You and God Bless You.
asadheart
Bless your heart! So much of what you've written, I have written in different poems. I have been there, the numb feeling,apethetic to everything(i wanted to care, just couldn't),feeling like I'll never get married. I've been there, can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I know that as long as you have hope and faith in the Lord, there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up on yourself. I believe that we go through the dark times so that once we get to the light, we can be a blessing to others in similar situations. Touching poem. May God continue to bless you.
nodoubtnofear
That poem is how I go through life 1000%. I'm sorry you feel as bad as I do. But I feel better knowing someone else feels the same way. It's like you're alone on an island and then finding a puppy.
PolarBearz
brought tears to me,because thats how sometmes feel.
lizj2373
What a great poem. Very easy to relate to; I feel different form how I did when I started reading it. I hope you learn to love yourself, because you are worth the love!
Gennifyr
This poem shows that all of us ''need help'' and even as a nation!
We have to look to the ''outside'' of ourselves more..on to the good things that are in us and others.. it's really hard many times to do this, it has helped me in the past, it's a lifelong journey and some journey's are hard to make, but, we can't give in to the thoughts that make us so alone or so sad or so mad..I don't claim to have the answers; but I do know that negetive thoughts breed more negetive.
Look.. there is Sunshine and better things for tomorrow!
EnergizerBunnyHelen
thank you so much for expressing how my husband feels. I see strength in being able to talk about your feelings, if only my husband were so corageous. thanks for helping us non-DP better understand our dear ones with your same pain.
afanador
wow
butterfly3104
Wow...That's really deep...By the end of the poem I was crying...You've got a gift for poetry. I honestly feel like you pulled these things from my mind and wrote them down, though I know they were from yours. I feel like this all the time..Depression doesn't help it any...but I'm trying to get through it. You're welcome to talk to me any time.
Reyuna
that was amazing moving and beautiful. and really true down to earth and passionate. thank you for sharing this.
not sure if this applies completely, but it came to my mind when i read your poem. due to fighting trich, i never felt like i was worthy of succeeding and being great like everyone else who seemed to have it so easy. i felt so worthless and invaluable. but im fighting that feeling each day and love who i am and who i have become and fight to feel confident even while around others who seem brimming with greatness.
so here is the quote. there is more to it but i didnt paste it here.:
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
fiercelyfighting
only joined this site recently saw this poem...here for u :)
sweetshell
i feel like this right now. i understand like too many do.
painwarrior