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lovewins
Male, 28, bronx, NY
"fuckin fed up with life"
10:33am November 15
fuckin fed up!! Mood
Sunday, November 15, 2009 | A Frustrating story
i feel so angry and i just wanna say i am fed up with all the bullshit and nonsense. i wanna get healthy and then i am out and about. being sick is making me more miserable. and if anyone wanna say stop having a self pity party well don't read it ok??!!!! i was walking and i just felt amgry at being alone and fucking sick all the time. why do the good people gotta suffer? i was walking cussing on the street. i am fed up now. i will not be taking bullshit from no one cuz i can barely rest. i had enough of dealing with family drama and all the fakes that are in this world. i dont care if u say i am not alone. well i do feel phsyically alone in this cold world. i pray but i feel no love at all. the computer is just a computer. i never felt that love phsyically except from moms. if u are goin to give me advice about god do not or i willl remove your message. do not preach to me about god. i am just pissed off. i know god but i am human and every year i suffer in pain. for fuckin 15 years no break in my life. and please do not tell me people have it worse. i know!! but at least i walked out my frustation cuz staying in the house can drive me crazy!! i wanna get healthy. i had enough of trying to go to doctors and all the fuckin bullshit. i want one day to feel healthy. i had it with pain. i had it wit fuckin seeing others having a fucking good life while i fuckin suffer. dont preach to me about god cuz god i know is here. i pray and i still feel pain. so this is my truth. i don't fucking care waht anyone here cares. you dont wanna read it leave me the fuck alone. besides no one can do shit for me. i realized we all have issues. i just felt like exploding on the streets cuz this pain hurts. it hurts to feel alone and sick. i just don't like the world i am in and i am gonna pray to get healthier and leave this cold city. i am fed up and seen enough happen to my moms and people disrespecting her and me. now i will not put up with nonsense. i just walked and it helped me feel better. i needed to shout cuss out loud listen to some music to get all these fuckin pissed off feelings out!! i am a good guy and so are many others are good. i ask god why do we suffer the most while the evil rich ppl are in glory? why!?? i cant stand it. i guess god has a plan but it feels like for eternity that this life is so fuckin miserable.
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Comments

  1. lovewins

    i feel much better after writing this but i pray my pain and the pain we all face gets to a mininum


    lovewins

  2. sandybeach101

    You know I am always on your side and I am sad when you are sad. Always hoping you will feel better and I know how hard this is to not feel well. You are doing a lot of good things to help yourself by talking about this, being a nice friend, taking care of yourself and all of the good things you do. Hugs.


    sandybeach101

  3. sandybeach101

    Hi Lovewins, I understand your feelings and you are right to express all of your feelings. It is good that you do. You have a right to be who you are and what you are and if you are not feeling well you can express this. I love ya for who you are no matter what mood you are in. You have to be you. HUgs and love and much support.


    sandybeach101

  4. tattyhead184

    I'm glad you're feeling a better for having let off steam. I know what you mean with evil seeming to pay off but we both know God is on our side. I admire you for having faith despite all of this. I'll say a prayer for you in the hope you won't have to wait long for the neurologist appointment.


    tattyhead184

  5. macjude

    Spit it out Sweetheart, get all the bile off your chest, we love you enough to take it and understand you need to vent, so vent away. Glad the walk helped and I'm sad your Mom and you are disrespected, thats bad, love you, J


    macjude

  6. lopeznewmexico

    iam sorry your hurting, sometimes pain gets the best of us. you give lots of people advice brother. to cheer up and keep going,. we got to practice what we preach my brother, don't get mad, well you can get mad if you want, iam only being real, love you alot . you have become a good friend to me. and i care,


    lopeznewmexico

  7. connielea

    I'm sorry you are in pain. Pain and lonelyness is sometimes like a barking dog in your own head. You cant hear anything good because of the damn dog. I know you are trying hard to shut him up. I also see how many people care about you. Lose to loosers and keep the positive people. I'm pulling for you.


    connielea

  8. borderz

    You have every right to vent your frustration and anger. That's part of what this site is about. I hope you know by now that I'm not going to judge you and you can talk to me whenever you want. Take care honey.


    borderz

  9. ronna

    i really hope the neo. doc works for you. being in pain as long as you have, is enough to drive you crazy. i feel so bad for you. i know what lonliness feels like too, as i stay in from my agorphobia. vent, vent, vent, it is healthy to do. you can't hold it inside, so vent away when ever you need too. take care my friend.


    ronna

  10. tedibear

    sorry ur feeling so bad. I will pray u feel better soon. hugs,tedi


    tedibear

  11. Strings22

    Let it out!! Scream at the top of your lungs!!! Get the fustration and pain out. It's not good keeping it in...it eats at you and will turn you into someone that is cold. You are not a cold person not by far. YOu are the opposite; you are such a caring person and I am so sorry you are going through this.
    When things seem to be at their worse that is when we have to hold on even tighter. Yes, there are a lot of things not fair in this world but, if things were easy for everyone then what kind of life is that; is not living. Living is getting through the bad times, painful times, sad times so that when good times happen we can treasure them and enjoy them. Everyone has a story to tell full of pain, sorrow, tragedies, good times, happy times, and etc. No one is perfect and no one has it easy. Because of all of this that is why we find people to lead on, talk to, find a common ground to show that we are not alone.
    YOu vent all you want that is why we are hear...to listen, to comfort, to be the shoulder to cry on...to laugh with, smile with and just enjoy knowing that there are people out there that have you're back.
    Hang in there sweetie you can get past this and we are here for you!!
    Feel better ((HUGS))


    Strings22

  12. Rocky7

    Sidney ,i`m glad you can at least come here and vent my friend..
    No ,and i wouldn`t insult you by telling you that "turning" to god will help...everybody is different and i`m not terribly religious).....What helps one ,won`t be that helpful to another..
    yes ,there will always be ppl worse off than us...but ,as my mum always tells me..that doesn`t retract from the constant ,nagging pain WE feel!
    It doesn`t help to think that ,when you can`t sleep ,or concentrate due to the unbearable discomfort coursing through your body.
    The only thing i will say ,is i`m here for you my dear friend ,and i totally understand the frustration you feel..
    we seem to have to constantly PROVE our disabilities...something i personaly find insul;ting ,when i have to cope ,day to day ,with this mind boggling pain.
    Try and lean on your friends ,cos we do know how you feel..mainly cos we`re dealing with the same issues..
    Take care...get lots of rest when you can...sending lots of love ,and gentle i`m with you hugs....ttys..sharon xoxoxox


    Rocky7

walked outside for the first time in about a month Mood
Saturday, November 14, 2009 | An Inspiring story
i had enough of feeling sorry for myself today. i just went out and walked. i felt better and that is it. everyone has issues so hey that is life.
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Comments

  1. doublenjenn7

    I'm proud of you :)


    doublenjenn7

  2. stevebhopes

    Good for you! I have a tendency to feel self pity so don't beat up on yourself. Ii admire the courage you are demonstrating.


    stevebhopes

  3. Winslet

    That's awesome,
    Very positive and such an achievement.
    Must have bee really hard.
    I don't know you but im proud.


    Winslet

  4. startinanew

    Glad you got out for a bit..very proud of you too...sending hugs to you!! :)


    startinanew

  5. tedibear

    Great!!! hugs,tedi


    tedibear

  6. sandybeach101

    That is great that you took a nice walk today. I am hoping you will feel well. It is ok. When we don't feel well sometimes we just need to get it out that we don't feel well. Hugs.


    sandybeach101

  7. macjude

    Glad to hear you got into the fresh air, glad you were well enough to walk, glad just to know you, lol J


    macjude

  8. borderz

    I'm so glad you got out of the house for a bit. Maybe you can start taking short walks everyday, if it will make you feel better, if only for a little while.


    borderz

time to get up Mood
Friday, November 13, 2009 | A General Update story

i went to see my head and neck doctor and they referred me to a neurologist. i have to make an appointment late december to see them next week. i have alot of patience to muster within. i have to deal with eat throat pain and headaches as big as migraines. i did go out today after sitting in the house for 5 weeks. i am trying to stay sane amidst the pain i feel the loneliness is gone because i found out about god and he never leaves me. also, i just am appreciative towards my mommy dearest and DS for keeping me sane. i feel happy for finally having people who have my back on issues and dont act fake. i got rid of fake friends. now all i see is me getting rid of the pain shame guilt and anger which is getting to me alot. i know i am going to be healthier. i know i will be going soon to college and getting a job soon. teh devil wants us to feel discouraged. i will not give up. i also decided to stop taking these damned painkillers. my body will get better on its own. my apetite is low but i still eat.  i daydream of a better life with a wife and kids. thank god for my ipod so i can stay sane when my pain hits.

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Comments

  1. stevebhopes

    I admire the courage and determination you are showing in the face of so much. Indeed, God will never leave you.


    stevebhopes

  2. macjude

    Wow, giving up your pain meds. That is really brave and something I couldn't do, I don't go out the door with out getting drugged up to face the day, please take them if you need them Babe, lol J


    macjude

  3. rosey222

    Im glad you have hope.I keep praying for you.


    rosey222

  4. ronna

    hi love, my sister use to get migrains so bad, it was hell, she was on so many different medicines, nothing worked. the pain was unbearable, in her head and neck. then, like a miricle they slowed downed. now she get one maybe 3x's a year. i hope your pain goes away. pain is unbearable. they started in her early 20tys, and she had them for about ten years. not everyday, but alot. i pray for you my friend, that this neo. doc will find something to help you. you are so nice and kind, you don't deserve this. you are in my prayer too. xxoo, ronna


    ronna

  5. borderz

    I admire your courage. I don't think I could do what you're doing. I'd lose hope and just give up. Please talk to me whenever you want. You're always in my heart :)


    borderz

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