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stillalone 
I recently had a verbal fight with someone I thought was a friend. Although I didn't know him all that well he owed me money, he promised to pay on Friday but as usual he wasn't to be found. I did finally get a hold of him and he reacted badly to my reaction of his delinquency. I wrote him a note and stuck it in his door and later he became really nasty about it. He fails to understand that I have been ripped off in the past and I felt he was going to do the same thing. Especially when he promised a certain day and I literally had to track him down to get it. I really believe that he would've paid me back unless I was on him about it. He got very personal and my blood pressure went up then I reacted badly. It all ended on somewhat good terms but then I found out he was still going on about it with other friends and even went to the gay bar to tell them and look for some trash on me to use against me. At this time I don't know how successful he was but it really bothers me how he couldn't understand that it happened so often in my past that I thought it was going to happen again. Even when I reminded him that we don't really know each other that well. On the other hand I continue going to the bridge in hopes of losing my balance to fall off. I keep trying to have the nerve to jump . I guess I will have the nerve someday sooner or later. Hopefully sooner. I can't stand this shit any more.
Comments
Oh please don't jump! This thing called life is so hard and painful I know, but we NEED you. I need you! We need you and your pain. Your loneliness. All of what you have and are experiencing--I need it to get thru my days. To get thru my desire to swerve in front of a huge semi. To get thru thinking of the knifes in the drawer and if I wanted to I could go to the office and numb both my arms with lidocaine and then just slice away.
Help me to see the sun, help me to see the stars, to marvel at what is, and help me to put out of my mind again and again all the evil that has happened to me, to my sisters, to my dear brother when he was only 6!
Help me to understand that although people can be such jerks, expend so much energy to hurt us, even after we do a good deed to them, that there are the good ones there.
Help me to recognize and hold on to the love and care that is shown to me.
Let us fight that darkness together by holding on to the littlest sliver of light--even if it is the smallest star, it is wonderous, and it will grow and spread. We just have to keep telling ourselfs it will.
Let's not be blinded by the hurtfulness--let's do a good thing for one person. Buy a sandwich and a juice drink and give it to the first homeless person you see.
And don't lend anymore money. Love, kanga
kanga
Good advice!
Hathani
people can be so unfair. something very much like what happened to you just happened to me. I felt as Im the bad one asking for money which was owed me to be paid back. hang in there and remember there are so many great people out there so try to surround yourslelf with people that bring you up . Im here if you need to talk
halffull123