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natureschoice 
what a fucking weekend. iam alive for now. lately i have been facing one dissappointment after the next and i blame mysefl for all of it. opportunities are hard to come by these days and when i do accept one, it does not last or turn out the way i expect. such is life.
i have been contemplating suicide more than ever before. i talk to God every day and ask for strength. in fact, i don't know what to ask for anymore. i don't know what i want. i don't know where to go. i don't know where i belong. my apartment is my sanctuary. my friends i need to survive.
i don't feel like i belong in my family. where did i come from. i know that i come from the same place my siblings came from, but they are not like me. for one they are straight and iam gay. i was born gay. i have HIV and they have their lives and health and spouses and children. i have me and my friends. i feel to leave it all, since iam so unhappy.
how can i be strong. how can i get a job. how can i be happy. how can i be free of all negativity.
god save me please.
