Well! A "DougHug". Thanks so much! …
Well! A "DougHug". Thanks so much! My son is twelve, and was officially diagnosed with P.D.D./N.O.S.; I think of it …
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gkg21 
11:35pm, November 1, 2009
10-17-09: Today is twenty-eight months since Scott died. He would've been twenty-four on October 22, this coming Thursday. It just seems to get harder, in so many ways. Someday he will be gone longer than he was alive.....how strange that will be.
I am not looking forward to school next week. It is Red Ribbon Week. That is always a hard week for me due to all the "stories" about drugs, users, etc. It just brings up a lot! And this year "White-Out" day will be on Scott's birthday. That is when, each hour, the grim reaper, with a white face, comes in a class and white-outs another face. Those kids can't talk the rest of the day or be spoken to. It represents the deaths drugs cause. That is very hard on me. I really wish the school would do away with that part. Not only is it hard for any who have lost a child, the kids just think it is fun. They just don't get it.
I was going to take Scott's birthday off. But, I missed three days, due to illness, last week. I had an ear infection, a sinus infection, and a respiratory infection. YUCK!!! My doctor pretty much insisted I take all three days off. A couple of schools around here have closed due to illness. This H1N1 thing is so huge I don't think anyone wants to take any chances. My doctor told me his office isn't even testing for it anymore. They are just assuming that if you have Type A influenza, you have H1N1. Anyway, I hope no one at school says anything to me about being off. At least I have a doctors excuse. And, he happens to be on the school board. I think I am just paranoid with all the other stuff at school.
I have been reading so many journals lately. It seems many of us are having a really hard time. I am trying to remember, as sad as I am about Scott, I am not walking this journey alone. I think I just get caught up in my own stuff and forget to look around. So, to everyone reading this, and even those who are not, I do care. And, even though I am no longer very good at giving "hugs" or responding to journals, my thoughts are with you.
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Ginger, red ribbon week would be extremely difficult. I can certainly understand you wanting to take some time off on Scotts birthday and I think everyone would certainly understand your reasons. We have had many deaths due to the H1N1 in our state. It's so scary. All of us except my husband had the virus about three months ago so I hope we don't catch it again, but I'm still going to get us all vaccinated. Hope the week goes well. You'll be in my thoughts. Love to you. Robin
Robin4
Glad you are feeling better from the flu. I am sure it will be hard for you on red ribbon week. Just take it one day at a time & Iwill keep you in my prayers this week...Love & hugs, Connie
ConH
Ginger, thinking of you. my sons 28th birthday is monday oct 19th and his first angel anniversary date is oct 29th. yes it has been a very difficult month. i had cut back on my depression medicine but two weeks ago stepped it up to the daily full amount. i have been trying to pray for God's grace and peace that passes all understanding for us mothers. God bless you, love, donna
misshimsooo
Glad you are better physically, but the emotional stuff is pretty tough! We, all of us, have the birthdays, anniversarys, angel dates, and remembrances that throw us into a tail-spin. And, you are so right, ...it doesn't seem to get any easier. I will tell you what does help,...for me, anyways,...is reaching out to others, showing compassion and love and support for whomever is in pain. Yes, sometimes it is time consuming, sometimes I cry with the moms, sometimes my hands hurt so bad, I can barely stand it,...but don't discount responding to those hugs, and reading those journals,...they are helping me to heal and be a better person. God Bless you, Love, Judy
JudyWI
It seems there is never just one thing going on, but multiple stresses and life challenges that just keep coming. I am sorry you have to be at school for the
drug awareness day. If the students were truly "getting it", I could maybe understand the white face thing, but no that is just too flippin much!
This loss is tough enough without rubbing salt in the wound. I will be thinking about you, and I guess just holding light in your heart, and hoping that one child may understand, can help to get you through the day.
Love and light, Rebecca
rcoco
How difficult it must be at school during this Red Ribbon week. And, with Scott B-day as well. Sometimes I think these drug awareness programs do more harm than good. I remember Jerry going through a "Say No To Drugs" program at school when he was around 12 years old. Years later he told me that all it did was peaked his interest in drugs and that the police officers doing the program actually made it sound fun to get high. As you know, Jerry died of an accidental drug overdose and started using when he was about 15 years old. Jerry would have been 24 this year as well.
Hang in there, sweetie. We get through these times somehow. Love, Adrianne
JerryJsMom
I don't like the sound of that red ribbon week...sounds a little insensitive....and tough....I know they are trying to help...but I don't know. I am so sorry that you were sick...it is everywhere....I am glad you are better. No worries about the hugs and the journals...we do what we can do...and that is okay. Love and hugs...Karen
biowoman
Ginger, I am so sorry you have to go through that Red Ribbon Week at school. Both of my kids did the "Say No to Drug" programs at school and got their certificates. Both did heroin and one of them is dead. Do I blame the program? No. But it is not effective. I did work on my son's birthday and I actually got through it pretty well. It is his Angel Day that I am worried about but I really can't affford to take the day off. I try to remember what other's tell me about it being just another 24 hours to get through. This helps me. On another note about Red Ribbon Week or Say No to Drugs, I have to say that sometimes I think these government programs that supposedly teach children about not using drugs backfire. I have started something called "Michael's Pennies", which I hope to use donations to address problems of those already addicted and get help. Drug abuse is epidemic and so are the deaths from them. "Programs" are not helping. So in one small way, I would like to help one person get desired help from their addiction. I hope everyone stays well from the flu. Here in Maryland, I don't know a single person who has had it and hope it stays that way! Love to you, Belinda
BinkyH
I am very sorry and am thinking about you as you are confronted with all these challenges at work...I pray you find peace and are healthy soon. God be with you...Dale, Brandon's Mom
Kingsdaughter
You are in my thoughts and prayers.I know that next week will be hard on you but try to think what your son would have wanted you to do.Maybe you think of a way to make it a positive things somehow.Your son wouldn't want you you to be sad would he? I didn't so.I think on your son;s birthday and any other special day that you need to do something he would have enjoyed.This way you will think of him but in a positive note.I don't want you to be sad and depressed.You have alot of support here and we want to help you.It's not going to be easy but do it for your son.Start to live again...take one day at a time ....Thinking of you always...
drap
Ginger I have never heard of any of the Red Ribbon things or the Grim Reaper thing. How awful for them to turn drug addiction and overdose deaths into a play and the Grim Reaper into a play "bad guy.)that is in very poor taste to say the least.I would be very upset and disturbed too. The kids will think Grim Reaper is a joke. I see a olot of kids with Grim REaper Tattoos. (I have a grandson 21 & I see them all the time.Grim Reaper is popular among them all, especially the boys.There is a church here in our nieghborhood that has an addicts help group.I was very seriously thinking about giving a victims statement, or just talking to them about howmuch My son's addiction and death by accidental overdose affected me,the children, my mother, and his nephews and nieces, not to mention the countless friends . My husband,James, ever thinking of my well being is worried it will be too emotional for me.I think it would be good for me. We will see .No hurry. I am so sorry for all your pain and for you grief. I know you suffered a long time before you lost your son.The accident he was in got him caught in the awful cycle of drugs. It is so hard to stop once they are in that trap. It is like a demon that just won't let go. I have so much hurt in my heart for all you have been through. My prayers are with you. The birthdays always the hardest for me.I do not have as hard of a time on the dsy they died as I do on the day they were born. I do not know why, and I guess it is diffrent for each of us. My prayers are with you, love,Peggy
grndmudder
I don't like the Grim Reaper thing at all. I do understand Red Ribbon Week. If it makes a difference for one kid, it's worth it. But the Grim Reaper is just insensitive and creepy, and really, just plain wrong. I would think it would scare the smaller children and I, as a mother, wouldn't like it. Anyway, I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I'm thinking you should take Scott's birthday off, and if your principal doesn't understand, he's/she's pretty cold hearted. My hugs and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
Love, Julia
JulsMarie