Well! A "DougHug". Thanks so much! …
Well! A "DougHug". Thanks so much! My son is twelve, and was officially diagnosed with P.D.D./N.O.S.; I think of it …
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gkg21 
11:35pm, November 1, 2009
July 3/4, 2009: Okay, so many of you read, before, that there was a "girl" saying Adam was/is the father of her baby. Adam got a letter from Family Services today stating this. They will pay for the DNA testing. I am all good with this! If this is Adam's child, he needs to "man-up" and be there! If it is my grandbaby, I want to know! In any case, I want to be a grandma or NOT! I am tired of this cat./mouse game. According to ALL doctor reports, Adam cannot have children! But...things, above our thought or control, do happen. However, my emotions are mixed.
This baby (who is adorable) has nothing do to with anythng. He is a doll. If, in fact, he is my grandson, I will open my arms and heart to him. If he is not, I will, if Mom wants, still enjoy him. I just don't want to think he his my grandson and then down the road hear, "Oh, by the way...." And, I sure don't want that for Adam! None of us can take ANY kind of pain, right now. This is a very strange road....sounds like "Trash TV!"
Today/tomorrow, is a hard day. Scott loved the 4th of July! It is right there with Thanksgiving and Christmas. We always have had a cook-out, watched our local fireworks, and then shot off our own. My "Biddy Buddies" are coming over. We will swim, watch the fireworks, and then watch the "kids" do theirs. I will miss Scott every single moment of the day!
I went to the cemetery today. I put red, white, and blue flowers out. I kissed his headstone, as usual, and told him to watch for our display. It all just seems so wrong! I want him here! With me!
Next week-end one of Scott's friends and his ex-girlfriend are getting married. I opted out of that. It is just too strange for me. Not a bad thing, just strange. The bad part is, the groom's mom is one of my best friend's. (Donna-Biddy Buddy) WHEW!
Another of Scott's friends is having a baby shower on the 18th. If I am in town, I will go. In any case, I did get her a gift. This "girl" is another of Scott's ex's. OMG! I am friends wiith her mom, too!
My life is just too confusing!!! On one hand I feel so blessed to have so many of Scott's friends in my life. On the other......it just messes with me! I feel like Scott should be here for all this activity!
One breath at a time......
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I think that we will always have these conflicts...of what now IS and what SHOULD have been. Eventually, we will just learn to cope with the "should ofs"...ummm...maybe. IF you are a grandmother...just know...it is wonderful :) under any circumstances...Love to you friend...Karen
biowoman
I, too am so happy that my son's friends all still come around to see us and invite us to all of thier happenings, but at the same time...it is heartbreaking that my son is not here to see and enjoy them too. If this is your grandbaby...may you be blessed with lots of happiness from him. I think it would be wonderful. Even though today will be hard...try to enjoy the 4th with your friends and remember Scott will be looking over you and smiling. Love, Kim
KimRW
I have moved around too much to have these ties. I think they are wonderful to have but must be bittersweet at the same time! Please keep us posted on the grandbaby. I sure can understand how you just want to know one way or the other, for sure. You are so wonderful to want to love this child, whether it is blood or not. But I agree, you just need to know for sure. Love, Belinda
BinkyH
It sounds hectic in your neck of the woods. I can certainly understand wanting the knowledge of the child's parentage. I hope things work out for the best. Enjoy the biddy buddies. I don't have too many of them so consider yourself blessed. Love to you. Robin
Robin4
My goodness! I am with you, I would want to know, but if it is not my grandbaby, still be an "honorary" grammy! It's all good, confusing, yes, but still good. I think you should go to that wedding, Hon,...just for your friend's sake. This is one of the most important occasions for her, and she will surely miss your prescence. I force myself to do those things,...at least put in an appearance, because I know Jamie would want me to! Love, Judy
JudyWI
I'm not going anywhere either. I don't journal as often as I want to, but I'm still here and always will be. As you said, this is my lifeline too. No one understands this like all of you who have been there. No one. Love, Julia
JulsMarie
I understand the confusion. One of John's exs dropped by on his birthday with a friend it's hard. We have to accept what is and not what we would have but it's so hard. I sure hope you get a final answer about the baby. Knowing is easier than wondering. Love and hugs Cathy
RockstarsMom