Journal

opened my mail today and i got a letter saing i have to go for a work focused health related assessment i got another leter from jobcentreplus saying a decision on your capability to work is you have been placed in the work related activity group this eans carrying out reasonable steps to manage their condition and help move towards the workplace by undertaking any relevant activity which will be developed with support and encouragement of specialist personal advisor. im like what so i got on the net did some research and i have to attend 5groups one a month how am i supposed to do this i cant go anywhere on my own i dont i have to be with someone i freak out in crowdard places im only ever out in a place for a few hours never all day if no ones with me im inside all the time on my own i cant go to this why cant they just leave me be when i had the medical my mum came with me she told her i couldnt go anywhere on my own as i have server panic attacks and that i have to be reminded daily to do things i looked again on line and it says If one descriptor applies to the claimant, they will be placed in the support group and will recieve an additional component with their ESA. They will not have to attend work focused interviews or a work focused health related assessment. If one descriptor applies to the claimant, they will be placed in the support group and will recieve an additional component with their ESA. They will not have to attend work focused interviews or a work focused health related assessment. and i do section ten

Cannot initiate or sustain any personal action (which means planning, organisation, problem solving, prioritising or switching tasks)

Cannot initiate or sustain personal action without requiring daily verbal prompting given by someone else in the claimant's presence

Fails to initiate or sustain basic personal action without requiring daily verbal prompting given by someone else in the claimant's presence, owing to a severe disorder of mood or behaviour  

im wtching a film called the woodman its got kevin bacon in it its a lil wierd hes a peadophile been released from 12yrs incarcerated and get this he lives like 250feet from a pre school how the fuck can police let a know child molesteror live that close to a school his window over looks the school its just wrong sex offenders shhould be made known to the public the comunity in which these monsters live in should be made aware why are they even let out of prison once a peadophile always a peadophile like rapists once a rapist always a rapist i heard that only 1percent of rape cases get a conviction its sick its coz its the girls word against the guys and it always seems to be male police officers that are assigned to the case and male judges so its natural to them to side with the guy thats what happened to my friend and thats why i didnt report my rape it just makes me mad

i dont get out much coz im not to good in crowded spaces alone i get paranoid u know the drill but on saturday scott was working so i thought id meet my mum in town for some shopping so i got a taxi for half 8 in the am into town when i got into town i had a really bad panic attack the cabbie was so nice and he calmed me down n waited till my mum came bless him anyway so i met mum n we went in the bank n i was saying how i wated to go o holiday n my mum went oh you wont want to be going looking like that n i thought she ment with all my scars so i said well it dint bother me lst year she went no i mean about your weight you wont want to be wearing a bikini looking like that your overweight nichol and you need to loose weight for health reasons im ike what health reason she said well you smoke and you get out of breath if you walk up loads of flights of stairs im like most normal ppl do thats why elevators were invented and im not now or ever in the forseeable future gonna wanna trek to the highest mountain i mean for christs sake im a size 16 yeah i am over weight but i was content with myself you see when i was youger i battled bulemia i fact i had it for 5yrs i got down to a size 8 so i was half the size i am now but i looked horrific i have big bones so i was just skin n bones my eyes were suken in big black bags under my eyes my hair was falling out i looked a mess n she knew what kind of battle i went through to get over it n she knows that to this day i have a problem with food ike i dont eat 3meals a day only 1 sometimes i dont even eat at all then some days ill binge but not throw up and then i 2yrs after i got over that i had multiple mental breakdowns ad for the past 2years plus ive been on loads of different cocktails of drugs and some of them made me put weight on and a lot of it yo guys wil be able to understand one drug made me put like 4-5 stone on in a month n i couldnt and havent been able to shift it i did get put on some pills called orlistat that made me loose 10lbs in a week which was amazing but if youve heard of them they make you shit yourself pretty bad n i was working at the time so stopped taking them but now im gonna ask my doctor to put me back on them see if i can shift the weight doubtfull but hey who knows maybe by november ill be a size 12 and where skinny minnie jeans and a bellyless top lol not that i would actually wer that actually scrap that if i got down to a size 12 or small 14 i would walk around in my underwear but i am hoping to loose weight i really wanna now so if i go on holiday soon i can look super sexy instead of super flabby but seriously how dare my mum for making e feel like that