Well! A "DougHug". Thanks so much! …
Well! A "DougHug". Thanks so much! My son is twelve, and was officially diagnosed with P.D.D./N.O.S.; I think of it …
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mistyj 
Part of the reason I can't get past this divorce is I can't stop blaming myself for all that went wrong. I know that is so irrational-but he just has a way of mixing up your head like that. I got fat, I smoked a cigarette, I flooded the house, I got drunk at New years and went off on him because he called me a stupid bitch in front of everyone(the sober misty would have just sat there and never said a word)I could go on and on, but I baatle the notion it was my fault daily. I do have issues-stemming from my childhood- my mother would withhold love if we did not do what she wanted, everything we did, was never good enough, and she used us a emotional punching bags when things were not going well in her marriage-she was sick-classic bi-polar. I know I brought alot of that into my marriage-which made me the perfect victim. But here is the deal-I had worked really hard at being as whole as I could before I brought a realtionship into Madison's life. That was my struugle-I knew there was something wrong with him and that the way he was treating me was not right. He is a classic passive aggresive. I looked it up on wikepdia and the definition fits him to a tee. I know that blaming me, avoiding resposibilty for his actions and his distorted sense of reality is all classic. Nothing I would have done could have pleased him or made him love me-as he is incapable of it. I was allowed to get mad because of so many things he did-but he twisted things and made me the guilty party for getting mad-I need to keep telling myself there was nothing I could have done_ i just feel bad for his latest victim-I know she has money and he is bleeding her dry(two new business ventures) A while back he told me I leared from our realtionship and I won't be the same in this one-why is she worth more than I was-why did I not deserve to be treated better-once again irrational thoughts-he will do the same to her-He is a classic covert abuser. I was a good wife, I loved him with all of my heart, I am a beautiful peron inside and out( even though I got fat- he was never happy with me thin)I just don't know how I ended up with such a sicko. It feel good to get some of this out.
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Misty it is good to get it out, but remember this? He did what he did, and it WASN'T because of you. Whether you are skinny or heavy - you are still you. He did what he did because of the person he is. It doesn't matter if it was with you or with someone else. He is going to be the same way.
You need to stop beating yourself up over him. He is the one that loses out - not you. In the long run you are going to be a better person and have a better life. You see what he did to you and you will not stand for that in your next relationship. Hang in there. You will start to stop having these thoughts. It is getting better for me too. Trust me when I say this.
Jim
SouthPau
And I still can't type.
mistyj
Misty, no one twisted his arm to make him do the things he did. I think he called you names because it made him feel better about himself. Maybe underneath it all he feels like crap so to make himself feel better he dumps on those around him. Whatever the reason, you are not to blame as you gave love unconditionally. You deserved better treatment from the man you devoted yourself too and you need to stop blaming yourself, it takes two people to make a marriage work. One person can't do it on their own! Smile ;o)
lovesuks