mistyj's Journal

Sometimes I fall right back into the rut! I had a really great week, last week- I know in my heart I am supposed to be where I am in life. I have had moments in my life this I know I would not have had if I had stayed married to Tom, Like having all my volleyball girls crying and embracing me as they won the league championships Thurs. That was a moment. Like giving my daughter a standing ovation as she had the lead in the school play this week- She would not have been there if I had stayed with tom- she was on the road to self distruction during those last months, she would not have had the high school experience she had- softball, cheerleading, swimming, h20 polo, prom, the play, homecomming- She would have been in continuation school- or worse. I would not have all these pictures on my desk- "The I love you coach Misty'"s would not be here. I would not be coaching.  I know all this!! But I also will never have the moments he is having, his new wife is having. The birth of a new baby, the quiet special nursing moments, first Christmas, first smile- etc. I know it was not in my plan, but it does make me very sad. I was  good wife, I would have been a good mother- it hurts it was stolen from me by the selfish heart of a cruel man!!

I know I gave up experiencing motherhood again- to save the little girl I have- he was destroying her, he was grooming her for something very dark, and she was going to destroy herself-she is happy now- she has had so much fun in school, she has so many friends, she laughs all the time, and is 100% herself. I am for the most part happy, just so tired becasue it is a struggle being a single mom in the economy. rent is through the roof, groceries are 3x's what they were when I was on my own before, gas it outrageous. It is hard, but we are happy.

I hate going to target and seeing all the happy housewives with their cute haircuts and beautiful children- they all look like her!! I know I need to get past this, I am just in a rut-My move to washington will be my fresh start- right now I work to many hours to really enjoy life. But my goal is to do like my dad said- Look for the good and praise it!!!

My hope is too find peace, continue my path to mental wellness, and to truly be happy.

I hope you all are well-