mistyj's Journal

Sometimes I don't understand why bad things happen to me- Sunday- I finally got air conditioning in my room- at least we can hang out in there until Ican afford another one- My mom helped me put up my curtains- my room looked really pretty. We cranked the air up full blast and looked forward to our first comfortable sleep in weeks. Around three in the morning I heard a noise- Then I heard another- i had been awake for a while so I really was not frightened- I walked down the hall and I found a man standing in my daughter's room-thank god she slept with me.I ran back and locked ourselves in my bedroom- realizing our phone was on the charger in the kitchen.

We had to  jump out the window,  hop our block wall (with my fat little pug dog)and run ro my asshole neighbor/landlords house to call the cops. The cops tore through my house, tore down my cutains(as if curtains are a big deal at this point) They found footprints where he came in and out- the noise I heard was the blinds and window. It was the scariest thing I could have imagined. Now everytime I close my eyes I see that image. My daughter refuses to sleep in her room, all she keeps hearing in her head is me screaming. This is terrible, as hard as I can't even provide her a decent home- and I have exposed her to another one of lifes horrors.  And all the shit my landlord has been putting me through is worse for two reason- he has seen me as close to naked as i could have been(just a nightie) and he is pissed because he saw i had put an airconditioner in my window without his permission( he wanted me to pay his handy man to do it) and my brother came over last night and secured all my doors and windows- He said something about me not asking his permission-and my brother told him to fuck off because he should have been the one to secure my home in the first place- I feel so exposed there- like I really have to live in my bedroom- I wait till dark to do the laundry, I took my dog out at 5 am in my robe and he popped over the fence to tell me to have a good day- He has all kinds of buddies over all the time-who could be casing our living situation out- He saw me un load the aircondtioner form the car- and he let it slip he had been in my backyard  that day- He wanted to check and make sure the two freaking screws I drilled in the window sill were not going to damage his shitty house.It is all about control- he wanted me to ask if i could put the air in- so he could act like he was doing me a favor- then expect a favor in return. last night I was stand offish because I knew if my brother saw him approach me the way he does he would have beat the shit out of him- or shot him with the 22 he brought over for me to keep at the house -so  he sulked and pouted and walked away He should have said- I am so sorry this happened to you- I knew the window and screens were in bad shape and I am going to fix them- instead he got pissed because my brther did what he could- now we can't  open any windows-Plus he accused me of imagining it. My bedroom is the only cool room in my house- and I don't know what tommorow is going to bring with the landlord- He is just so volatile- I saw that when Maddie got hurt. I can't move right now I can't afford it and my credit is a mess. i thought this house was going to be the light at the end of the horrible few years- but it is not- it is just more of the nightmare. I don't understand why I just can't be happy- why me and why my little girl- She is so afraid- her privacy was violated- she wants to switch rooms.