whirlwind of a day
boy today has been a whirl wind of emotions first a wake up wondering what its ging on with my brother after he went to …
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deadinside 
1:35am, April 17, 2009
i've been gone for a while. life took me in a different direction, i guess.
first, let me say to anyone reading this. that this place (and the people here) well it probably saved my life. and i don't think i'm exaggerating about that.
so why am i back? well, its strange. i've been putting my life back together and i feel like i've gotten to a very good place. i haven't been thinking about my wife a lot lately, to be perfectly honest. so much pain and crap. kinda just been in a "whatever" attitude about it all. it is what it is.
i never really felt like i fully grieved her death. the whole affair thing just drove a mac truck through it. i was messing around on facebook tonight, taking one of those silly quizzes. which superhero would you be? it came out spider-man. not a surprise i've collected spidey comics since i was 17. and my daughter commented. "how could it have been anyone else?" and it made me think of our first christmas. my wife got me a bunch of spidey stuff. silly little things, but fun.
and now i miss her. probably the first time i've *really* missed her since i found out about the affair. crazy. it's been almost 2 years. didn't really know what to do with that.
anyway, just thought i'd share that. it will probably be a long time before i check back in. i'm just passing through. you all take care.
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I know you may/may not read this, but for whatever it's worth....I'm glad to hear that you're beginning to find some peace. I can relate to what you're saying my case was a little different though, I felt like I had to be sad and I couldn't be angry at my husband for what he put me through. I felt it wasn't being "respectful" to be made at someone who was dead and I was alive and okay so why should i be mad. I felt like that for the longest time and I think it wasn't until I realized that I had every right to be mad if that's what I wanted, that was when I started to find peace. I think this will truly be the start of good things for you, perhaps even the first step to getting on with your life? Good luck.
anewstart
Good to hear from you, sounds like you're doing very well. Interesting...it takes time to get where you're at and...time takes time. Glad to hear you've gotten through a lot of the hard stuff. Take care!
msjosie