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deadinside 
1:35am, April 17, 2009
Saw "Up" today. Great move but SAAAAD.
i've been gone for a while. life took me in a different direction, i guess.
first, let me say to anyone reading this. that this place (and the people here) well it probably saved my life. and i don't think i'm exaggerating about that.
so why am i back? well, its strange. i've been putting my life back together and i feel like i've gotten to a very good place. i haven't been thinking about my wife a lot lately, to be perfectly honest. so much pain and crap. kinda just been in a "whatever" attitude about it all. it is what it is.
i never really felt like i fully grieved her death. the whole affair thing just drove a mac truck through it. i was messing around on facebook tonight, taking one of those silly quizzes. which superhero would you be? it came out spider-man. not a surprise i've collected spidey comics since i was 17. and my daughter commented. "how could it have been anyone else?" and it made me think of our first christmas. my wife got me a bunch of spidey stuff. silly little things, but fun.
and now i miss her. probably the first time i've *really* missed her since i found out about the affair. crazy. it's been almost 2 years. didn't really know what to do with that.
anyway, just thought i'd share that. it will probably be a long time before i check back in. i'm just passing through. you all take care.
Comments
Its been a long time again. Life has been busy, crazy, wonderful, scary.
A friend of mine asked me out. I was surprised, not because she was interested. But because we had talked, as friends, about what she wants out of a relationship and I don't fit any of them. Turns out that she has been secretly holding a torch for me for some time but never asked.
So, now we're dating. Its too soon and its going too fast, but I don't know if I really care. I've been perfectly honest with her that I can't even begin to think about a long-term relationship. I'm not sure it would work out even if I could. She and I are in very different places in our lives. But I told myself that I don't have to worry about that stuff right now. I'm just trying to enjoy it for what it is. I deserve to have some happiness in my life.
Crazy, crazy, crazy. I must be insane.
Comments
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Wow, congratulations! It doesn't have to last forever, but it's okay to feel it out and get to know her in a different capacity, and just have fun! Enjoy:)
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Congrats! I'm SO happy for you! Enjoy it!
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You have been upfront with her, so she knows the score. Congrats, and enjoy. You deserve some good feelings in your life.
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Past Entries
I know you may/may not read this, but for whatever it's worth....I'm glad to hear that you're beginning to find some peace. I can relate to what you're saying my case was a little different though, I felt like I had to be sad and I couldn't be angry at my husband for what he put me through. I felt it wasn't being "respectful" to be made at someone who was dead and I was alive and okay so why should i be mad. I felt like that for the longest time and I think it wasn't until I realized that I had every right to be mad if that's what I wanted, that was when I started to find peace. I think this will truly be the start of good things for you, perhaps even the first step to getting on with your life? Good luck.
anewstart
Good to hear from you, sounds like you're doing very well. Interesting...it takes time to get where you're at and...time takes time. Glad to hear you've gotten through a lot of the hard stuff. Take care!
msjosie