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scaredandafraid 
9:51am Friday
I've given up.
No more lies, no more hiding.
Too much at one time has finally taken over.
I cut and don't feel, I cry but no tears, I look and don't see.
I am done, I am numb, I have become blind.
I walk each day, as routine as any other.
Though I no longer pretend.
I let my cuts show.
I no longer need to fake a smile or say "im good".
Freedom of pretend.
Though I no longer care this doesn't mean I am ready to let it go.
Tell about my mother?
Tell about my father?
Leave with my sister?
If only this reality was in reach.
I fear that I step closer each day.
Closer to my painful end, or closer to my painful start.
Either way I will never escape.
Shed a tear or two, no one cares.
Let your blood flow, no one see's.
Throwing up is normal, so im told.
.................................................
Today has been long to say the least..
1: my sister is leaving for colorado (she's the only one that cares.)
2: my "summer rapist" is still around.
3: Grades are slipping and somehow I could care less.
4: My mother, well...
5: My father being the perverted and evil bastard that he is wants me to live with him.
6: Cutting is getting bad.
7: I feel so not in control!!
8: I can't tell.. But do I really want to???
9: I have completely given up.
10: I don't feel, and when I do I don't care. I go through the days blindly.
That's just the beginning.
