estrellaSMC's Journal

This day started out so great. About a week ago someone from my church offered to have me design a web site for them. It's paid and everything! I was working on that and finally found information that not only is relevant to this project, but to other projects I'm working on. Information that is crucial to being able to design a good web site, and I found it! I was so happy and excited. I felt like I could actually make a living at designing web sites.

 

Tonight I was supposed to go to a meeting of fellow Aspies in the area where I live. It turned out when I got there that the date on the web site was wrong and it had actually been yesterday that the meeting happened. Ooh! I was annoyed at the head of the group for not telling me. I also lost control of my mouth and was rude to a janitor at the meeting place.

 

One other person did show up. A friend of mine named Jonathan. We met through an online dating site and had met face to face at this group because we both have Asperger's Syndrome. Anyway, when we figured out that we'd missed the meeting, we walked to the bus station together to head back home.

 

Once I got back home, Mom and I started talking. I told her about what had happened and I also told her about some of the things that Jonathan and I had talked about. She became upset when I told her about the stuff I talked about with Jonathan. For the past few weeks she has been upset whenever I talked aobut him. She says he's treating me badly. I don't know what to think. I see a small incident here and there. Mom can connect the dots between them when I can't.

 

For example, his birthday was about two weeks ago. He received some money from his parents and decided to use it on a trip to Boston. He left the day after his birthday and stayed until last Monday. During that time I heard from him twice via email. Both times the emails were quite short. At the beginning of the vacation I worried and got upset that he wasn't writing to me. I checked email practically every five minutes, hoping there'd be something there. To keep from doing this, I started on a project which occupied my thoughts and kept me from getting upset. We had been emailing each other every day before he went on vacation. Now that he's back, he hasn't picked up the emailing every day habit like I hoped he would. the only time I heard from him is yesterday he called to ask me about when the meeting was. Not having any information to give him other than what was on the site (and turned out to be faulty) I told him that. He promised he'd write last night and never did.

 

Another thing is that sometimes I have asked him questions in emails and he doesn't answer them. I don't really know how to handle that when he does it. In the beginning of our friendship, I didn't want to seem like a nag, so I never pushed it. Now I've almost gotten used to it.

 

Mom says he's secretive because he doesn't go into details about things like what he does all day. I assumed this was because of his being a fellow Aspie. I remember being like that myself until Mom taught me how to give details, so I assumed it was the same thing with him.

 

I must admit, it's scary about what has happened. I have heard stories aobut how people who knew Mom and Dad thought that there was something wrong with Dad but never said anything because if they did Mom would have defended Dad. I find that's happening with Mom and me. Whenever the subject of Jonathan comes up, Mom gets mad and I get upset and feel like I have to defend him...and we're not even dating!

 

There have been times that I have entertained the idea of Jonathan and I dating, maybe even getting married someday. For a while these daydreams were very strong. I even thought about writing a story about it, but I never did because the first wrinkle in our friendship came along and cut those feelings way back. I haven't been able to get rid of them completely, though.

 

The reason for that is that when we do email and we do spend time in person, I always have such a good time. Time just seems to fly by as we walk around a nearby shopping area we both like or along the shore of a nearby lake, talking or enjoying a comfortable silence. We really get along great when we're together.

 

It's just...Mom sees all these things and can make connections that I just can't see. When I first heard aobut people Mom knew thinking that Dad didn't treat Mom well enough, I decided that if somebody I knew voiced one little concern about a guy I knew and was considering dating, I would at least seriously consider what the person was saying and seriously examine my relationship with this person, if not cut the relationship off completely. With Jonathan, there have been several occasions when Mom has raised concerns tht I have either brushed off or gotten upset and tried to defend him, thinking she was just being suspicious because of what happened with Dad.

 

I actually did write a story about what happened with that first wrinkle in our friendship soon after it happened. I changed our names in the story and posted it on fictionpress.com. Here is a link to it if anybody wants to see it:

 

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2667728/1/Star_and_Angel

 

After that, Jonathan did email me again, but he was rude in the email. I told him I'd prefer ont to see him at church that week because of my hurt. The week after that, he started coming again.

 

I feel like I should cut it off, but Mom says that I should wait and see. Everyone I know says that I should just be friends with him. I feel like that's impossible because my feelings keep going towards the romantic only to be shot down by something Mom says, or by Jonathan disappearing for a week at a time.

 

I just don't know what to do. I need advice. Anybody have any for me?