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LP66 
Didn't go to dinner last night because I just wasn't feeling well. And I'm worried because it was ovary and abdominal pain, felt like endometriosis pain. So I'm giving it a week and hoping it goes away, probably not very smart but I can hope. I had my annual/pap two days ago so I'm hoping that it's just from my gyno pushing and prodding on me. It already feels a little better than last night. Maybe some of my junk got shifted and beat up a little and it's just adjusting??? It's just seems so coincidental that I tell my gyno everything's great and I feel perfect and normal, physically that is, and then the next day I feel like it's back. I hope I don't have an endometrioma that was flying under the radar and then she pushed on me and it sprouted a tiny leak. Ugh, that would suck. And of course it hurts more on my left ovary - the one I almost lost but my RE was able to save it. So now I'm just worried if I'm going to be told it I have to lose lefty for real. My poor gimpy ovaries. And we're not TTC because we're too scared and frankly we don't have the money for IVF #2. But did my biological clock just speed up... again? I'm only 33 but I'm so fucked up I'm more like 43 in the reproductive arena. (no offense to 43 year olds) What does it all mean????!!!! Should we start TTC again, should we say "screw it" and go morbidly in debt with IVF #2 so we don't miss our window? Am I going to have to have anpther surgery? I can't have another surgery - I JUST CAN'T!!! I'd be so ruined with scar tissue. More hormone therapy?? I'm over thinking. It'll go away in a few days, I'm sure.
CALORIES
Non-Fat Latte: 130
*Strawberry Cupcake: 310
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Emergen-C:
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TOTAL: 440
*Recieved a Birthday Cupcake this morning at my Pod Party. Didn't want to be rude so I ate one and now I regret it.
Comments
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
It could be from the exam. That happens to me a lot too. Also, two other things (well, actually three) that can cause similar pain and discomfort (at least I've found with me over the years. I've had endo since at least 13 (probably sooner since that pain was sooner and the scar tissue was so bad by 13). Anyways, one thing is ovulation. There are months I am on the floor, literally. The second thing is bowel issues. Could be gas, backed up "stuff", etc. You tend to feel that more on the left because that is the side of the bowels where the feces exits from (or the descending colon).It is also one of the places pretty susceptible to gas pain. Think of it like a balloon that expands and sometimes a smaller pocket of gas can expand even further causing pretty bad pain (that has also had me on the floor in tears before). The third thing is a cyst (or a few cysts). Most women get them and don't even know. At times they can become a little bigger and then burst or just cause pain from being there. They are not big enough to cause any need for medical attention so we chalk it up to not knowing what the pain was from.
Did the doctor say if there were any issues of your ovaries being adhered to your bowels at all? When they first went in when I was very young mine were pretty bad. They detached them (well, I think it was only the right side back then). There was a little more of it when they went in last spring to remove my tubes. Where they were in there cleaning things up, you could have some scar tissue that is affecting the nerves.
Boy, as I go on there are actually quite a few things that could be causing it. I hope the pain passes soon.
If it is fear that is keeping you from moving forward, then my suggestion would be to try and crawl through that fear if you need to. After all you've been through it is only normal to be afraid. Heck, I'm afraid and I did not go through what you did with Nora. But I would hate for you to look back some day and regret not going after your dream out of fear.
If it is because of the finances then you may want to see if there is any other way to fund a cycle. Maybe a research program in your area or something.
I was reading today about the statistics of age related IF and after 35 it drops a lot. Ultimately though, you need to do what you and DH feel is best. I pray you find some clarity and are able to make a decision either way and be at peace with what you decide. I am sure you know that we are all here for you, either way. You are always in my prayers.
Lioness816