ifits2beitsup2me's Journal

 I was having a great day today. Went to my parent's house for a real nice dinner. Took 2 of my grandkids with me. When we got home, my oldest son was home (I am temperairly living with him and his family), and he treated me so disrespectful. He seems to just look for things to say to me that will hurt me. We were so close at one time, and I made some bad decisions in my life that he has never forgiven me for...like 2 divorces mainly. He has developed such a temper. Sometimes when he yells at the kids, It takes all that I have to keep my mouth shut. I used to tell him how I felt about it, but the last time he told me to mind my own business.  Tonight he started to yell at me, and I really feel so bad that I lost it and said to him "F You!"  I can't believe I ever would say that to my own son! I feel so bad, but it just built up inside me and I let it out.

 I know I messed up in my past, but I can't change what happened. All I can do is try to learn from my mistakes and do the best I can now. I wish so bad that he could see what he is doing to his 4 precious children by screaming at them all the time. I wish he could understand my depression and how he makes me feel when he treats me like that. Ever since he found out I am taking anti-depressants, he thinks I'm crazy. I love him so much. He is my first-born. I pray we can have the relationship we once had.