dragonflydazd's Journal

605 days sober.  omg who knew.  i think back to before and my god where was i headed?  down a dark, lonely road to death, that's where.  i am embarassed and humiliated by that person who drank to the point of blacking out and passing out everynight.  i have no idea how i ever made it into a bed each night let alone how i survived.  someone watching over me it seems.

if anyone reads this and is struggling, don't give up.  find the courage with in yourself and the WANT to be sober.  find support be it a friend here (mine is a true angel i tell ya) your dr, pastor, spouse anyone and everyone.  i was so sure no one would help me but that was the practicing alcoholic talking and thinking.  now sober, i see how my life has changed in the past 605 days and if i can do it, anyone who really wants it can do it to.  you have to WANT it.  

i was on the way to losing my family, friends, my job, everything, because i chose alcohol over everything else.  i was in love with alcohol, not the people around me and most definitely not myself.  i'm still working on myself.  

look around you.  take a sober moment and look around you.  i did and realized this isnt how i want to be.  i am dying.  i am committing a slow suicide and my husband, kids and friends are having to watch.  i realized i was tired of being sick and tired.  i needed off this rollar coaster.

i have an awesome dr who has helped me from day one.  my family and friends do support me after all.....

i have to say though, when my dr said i could never have alcohol again, ever, i didnt understand that.  i couldnt wrap my head around that concept.  never.  i almost panicked.  how does one live the rest of their life without alcohol?  is it possible?  well know what?  it is.  i didnt believe it at first, during those first few months but shit it really is possible.  i wont lie, it isnt all rainbows and butterflies.  it's damn hard.  it's emotional.  its humbling.  it's also enlightening.  

it's been worth the trip so far and all i can say is one sec, one minute, one day at a time.  whatever gets you to that next sec, min and day.  it isnt how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get up and i dont plan on falling any time soon.

always

dragonfly