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Tamberly 
1:16pm, June 20, 2009
Today is your birthday, 2 years ago today we said Hello to your beautiful face and good bye to your sweet soul. I prayed so hard for you my baby that you would be alive and well but you lived your life 100% full in my womb, I am so happy to have held you every moment of your precious life and so blessed to be your mommy. I hope in heaven there is a celebration just for you, with cupcakes and music and dancing and kisses. I miss you today, I love you always, my baby.
For my sweet friends following my journal entrys this week I am not sure how much I can dive into the birth story today, I want to get it all out a write down every detail but we shall see... I was in labor for 28 hours, through the whole time we had peace around us we were being held up with love, everyone was so caring and sweet to us, we had so much support, we broke all of the visitor rules but the nurses didn't mind. Justin and I were both saying "we would rather have this happend to us than someone else because we KNOW we will see our daughter again" so after my water was broken it took about an hour before it was time for me to push, one nurse and one doctor came in, there was no rushing, the lights were down low. In the room with me was Justin, his mom, and my mom. When the nurse told me to start pushing Justin ran away sobbing in the corner, but I was ready and excited to see Esther. My mom stayed with me and his mom went to get him, some how she got him up and over to the bed and Esther was born with the next push... I can't remember anyother details about the birth my mind is foggy... I remember thinking "just breath, maybe the doctors were wrong" and I just remember saying in small wispers for no one else to hear me "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" to my Esther. I remember thinking "this is so stupid how can a baby die before they are even born" I was mad, and sad, and worried for my other kids, and heart broken I wasn't sure how my heart could go on beating when really it was so broken. I held Esther for 5 hours and friends and family came out to se her and hold her, but I didn't have Galilee and Owen there and still to this day I get asked "why didn't I get to hold my baby sister?" Well I really wish I could write down more things but I think I need to be done for now.
Esther you are lovely. My third born, you are always on my mind and in my heart. Happy birthday.
Comments
love you, Tam!
Leosmommy
Thoughts are with you on this rough day.
armmom
My heart goes out to you as tears roll down my face reading your story.
GailY
Hang in there, it is such a hard thing to live with. But you are so right you will see her again one day. Hugs and warm thoughts to you, Brandy
Crushed4ever
Thinking of you today on Esther's 2nd birthday. I hope your day is filled with peace and you feel Esther's love all around you. HUGS to you. Renee
reneemaldonado
I feel like i just read my own journal entry of the day Faith was born. My kids still ask too. it breaks my heart that they didn't have the chance to hold a beautiful angel. Wishing you peace today. Hugs, cynthia
crwtom
Sending you tight hugs on this tough and terrible day.
LiamMommy
tears are rolling down my cheeks. i am so sorry for your loss. it is not fair to you. not at all. she is watching you from above with smile on her lovely face. The lord needed her as an angel. she was too beautiful for earth. you are in my prayers.
Mommysgirlx
oh Tamberly.. thank you for sharing this.. as heartbreaking as it is to read.. I feel blessed to know you and hear angel Esther's story.. as Ella's angel day approaches.. those days flash through my mind more than ever. Thank again for sharing her with us.. as always tight hugs and love
Gemma
GemmCass
I know you don't know me but I pray that baby Esther rests in peace.
VLeww
Happy 2nd Birthday Esther. I hope your day is full of peace today. ((HUGS)) Amy
Am1110
my heart prayers and love are with you today. let your heart be at rest knowing shes a beautiful angel in heaven smilling on you. here are some BIG TIGHT HUGS TO YOU
mom719
Happy Birthday Esther. I cant quit crying after reading that. It makes me so sad its like I can see you back there 2 years ago. My heart breaks for you. Hugs to you on this very hard day. Candy
BabyWyatt
Happy Birthday sweet Esther, and a gentle day to you Tam. I'm always always here for you.
StephaniePaige
I know how hard these days are. I'm coming up on two years soon too. I know it doesn't get better and we never forget, but I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
krish61111
I know how hard these journals must have been for you and I only hope in some small way writing it down has helped. Keeping you in my prayers. Big tight hugs!!
LaylaF
Keeping you & your family in my thoughts & prayers today & always.
amberslucky11
Happy angel birthday little Esther... You will always be loved, never forgotten. I'm sending you lots of love Tamberly. Thinking about you, Laura
hkchallenge
Tears.... I love ya hon. Happy Birthday beautiful Esther.
mommyoflily
Wow such a powerful day. Your daughter is blessed to be loved so much by such a wonderful family. Big Hugs.
jazzan6
Happy Birthday Esther. I hope the week has been good to you.
chaya1
Just reading this brought me peace. You are a good mommy and you inspire me.
Pflits
Happy Birthday to your sweet baby. Before when I was having my miscarriages I was sad for the losses but now that I have a baby and I know how amazing it is Im even more sad.. I didnt know what I was missing until now, and even more than before those babies live on. Im so glad that you have your faith and that your baby girl lives on. I believe that she must have been so special that God needed her as an angel and she is doing his work now, I know thats what I believe about my babies. If Aiden only knew his brothers and sisters!
Zayannee