hmyers512's Journal

I marked this positive for my life is so much better now. But i also understand that while i was in pain, i tried to not lay it on those around me, so these private notes have never been shared. I am today rebuilding a life torn by 12 years of pain. It's still hard but I feel very blessed each and every single day. 

 

Journal from 9/24/98

 

Note: This is taken from a small notebook. My chronic pain started in August 1994 and ended in October 2006. This perspective begins after 4 years in pain. I was being treated with (an isufficient dose) pain meds at the time and had been for a year. The first 3 years were without any effective pain treatment.  These are excerpts for I can’t read it all.

 

“The Journey of the past four years has been brutal. Ever since the fateful fall and the rafting injury 1 ½ years later, some, no many of the aspects of my life have taken on a hellish level of difficulty. “

“I now know there is a population that lives through every second of the day coping with chronic pain. Often, even their closest supporters, in spite of witnessing and block out their obvious agony, believe they aren’t coping well enough. “

“I suffered enough that I know that I have developed powerful coping skills, unseen to others.”

“Anyway, during the past years I have found that, with medication, I can resume my life. The last years have seen us plunge into poverty, that all changed. Though not huge, the settlement gives us a chance to resume our economic life.”

 

9/28/98 – Today I had 4 vicodin, finally got the script filled, delayed as broke + Hurricane Georges. It’s great to have the pain relief above the cripple threshold”

 

Note: The journal is full of note about various methods I was trying to make an income. The pain really wrecked my efforts in many ways.

 

11-18-98 “Today is the first time in months that I have not taken meds first thing. It provides a reminder of how strong the pain underneath is.  It’s 9:57 and I just took 20mg oxycontin, 40-50 minutes until relief. It is very pervasive and oppressive of any activity, even simple ones like writing this.”

 

Note: Many of the pages I simply can’t read. Now that I’m not in pain like that, I write much better. Also, I apparently lost or didn’t look at this book for years. The next entries pick up in 2004.

 

4-5-2005 9:38am “Will I ever be able to sit up like normal people?:

 

Note: It shows references to organizations like Abilities, Inc. who never really did help, but shows that I was, in desperation, looking for help.

 

4-6-04 this entry shows many references to the VA, apparently trying to make some progress. It features sketches of my head, neck and arm, with marks for where the pain is and a list of symptoms. This was ten years after the beginning of the pain.

 

Sharp pains in the skull. Shoulder blades and back pain. Facet joints in neck. neuropathic pain in right arm. Tinnitius or brain noise. Stigma! “Skull Cracking” has worsened over the years, What? Why?

 

There’s lots more but I can’t write about it now.

 

Note: #7 turned out to be the key to finding relief. This symptom drew me to NeuroCranial Restructuring in October 2006 and I’ve not suffered pain at these levels at all, not once, in the 3 years since.  I still have #5 and i still have a little discomfort, but NeuroCranial Restructuring ENDED the DEBILITATING LEVEL OF PAIN in 3 friggen days.