Journal Entry for September 23, 2008
September 23, 2008 12:31am
Please take one minute of your time to sign the petition.We the american people have the right and responsibility to express our feelings and …
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angelmarie
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About Me
angelmarie
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About Me
Photographs bring me joy. The best ones take me into the moment. Make me feel. A connection is made. A memory. A mood. Those are the ones that grab you. Instant favorites. Photographs you are thankful to have experienced. I adore portraits, photographs of children, pets, birds, landscape, retro, art nudes, b&w and so many more! Photography is an ultimate love of mine. The amazing feeling I get when I see something, a moment or image that I just have to capture. The shots that seem to fall into your lap. The ones that call out to you. A photo that becomes a piece of you. An expression of me. Photogaphy is sharing with the world the beauty that I see around me. I also love viewing other's photographs as much as I enjoy taking my own! I love a good subject. I love spending time taking a million shots. I soon plan to find friends and family who are willing models and have some fun trying my hand at staged/directed portrait photography. I find such happiness in the fun of taking all kinds of shots...the excitement and anticipation of a fabulous shot. Yes, I love Photography. Flower gardening also brings me tremendous happiness. Inner peace. I enjoy tending to my plants and flowers. The simple act of watering them brings me relaxation. Finding a new bloom is a beautiful moment of joy. Gardening is one of my favorite hobbies. I also plan to begin growing house plants as well, because the winter months are simply unbearable to me :) Observing the beauty of childhood, feeling the sun, relaxing days at the beach, observing the world around me, precious moments with my pets and my boys, getting to know myself and enjoying the knowledge and reflection that age brings...these are the things that make up me... These are a few of the things that I adore! I'm a girl I like girls I find myself here at 32 years old thinking... "Wait... What?... I'm middle aged?... When did that happen?.. . When is that shit gonna hit me?" I'm just now starting to feel like a grown up. I'm the mother of teen boys I'm so very proud of them both. I love driving fast! I love browsing through flea markets, thrift stores and yard sales! I have a very sarcastic sense of humor. I despise people who are fake! Annoying! I wish they would just be themselves and celebrate everything that makes em' unique! I watch a lot of music videos. I luv, luv, luv Mary Jane!!! We became buds when I was twenty-nine years old! I write poetry. My favorite movie is Anchorman. I was raised by my Grandparents most of my childhood. I love flowers. I think that Tivo is one of the best inventions, ever! I could easily become a crazy cat lady! Music is an important part of my life! I feel it in my soul. I'd love to see a Broadway show. I have finely tuned gaydar =) I'm rarely comfortable around men. I also have trust issues. Lingering issues from childhood, as a sexual abuse survivor. I was a little girl who found a way to cope with the devastation. I learned to protect myself the only way that I could. Zone out. Shut down. Disassociate. I have no memory of a lifetime without sexual abuse. I don't remember when I learned to escape from reality. For as long as I can remember, it's something that happens without effort. Second nature. I've learned that this is a common ability of most abuse survivors. It is a coping mechanism, the only way to block out that which you are incapable of dealing with at the time. A child soon adjusts to this just being a part of life. Not a big deal. Normal. Life. Just moments to get through until it's over. Until the next time. Denial comes hand in hand with abuse. When I became an adult, I viewed my molestation as a minor part of my life. I actually thought that it was over and done with. Something that I didn't have to deal with anymore. Didn't think it had much effect on me. Didn't understand the depth of devastation carried silently within. Didn't realize the scars upon scars that had been lurking in the darkness of my denial. I was completely stunned the day that it all came crashing through. Out of nowhere. Out of the blue. My sister and I were in an argument...she called me irresponsible... I lost it. A lifetime of protecting someone you love, from the hell you lived through. Something snapped inside my head and I was filled with silent screams.... I PROTECTED YOU!!!! It all came crashing through me with incredible force. One little word. Opening the floodgates of emotions and memories locked away long ago. That was the beginning. The day I was forced to face my demons. I was 22. I was finally strong enough to face what I had been hiding from myself all those years. I began to feel. I was about to begin a journey that would change my life. My journey toward healing. But that's a story for another day. I'm pretty damned opinionated. I'm a huge procrastinator. I'm a country girl and my sister is a city girl. For years my dream car was actually a Chevy Silvarado Truck. These days I'm longing for a Mini Cooper!!! When my youngest son was a baby, I was arrested for smacking my mother-in-law in the face. She came to my house drunk, calling me nasty names and refused to leave after repeated requests and then demands. SO, I pushed her out the doorway and tried to shut the door. She tried to push her way back in, so I slapped her face. She called the cops. I plead not guilty, described the incident to the judge...and was found innocent. That's the extent of my criminal record, lol! I love shoes!!! I adore heels, but they kill my bunions =( I luv, luv, luv purses!!! My style is mainly cute, old navy casual. Love vintage tees, cartoon character tees, ect. I crush hard on cowgirls and cowboys. Failure and abandonment/rejection are my two biggest fears. I'm a perfectionist...or at least attempt to be. I hold high standards for myself. I'm too hard on myself at times. Most of the time. If I were a rich girl, my ass would be living in Hawaii!!! I think that women are the most beautiful creations on this earth... xoxo ... I luv watching cartoons. I'm anti-war...but have much love and support for our troops. I hate the government. Big Brother scares me. I really love architecture. I'm a big stand up comedy fan. I'm a total "carb-aholic" ;) I enjoy walks through cemeteries. It's really interesting to read grave stones, imagining what each persons life may have been like. I love perfume...my all time fav is Red Door. I can be a tad bit of a control freak at times. It makes me feel safe. I've always had problems with authority figures. The library is one of my favorite hangouts. I'm a magazine fiend! I get tons of free subscriptions thanks to the net [ freebie heaven! ] My favorite mag is US Weekly.... A celebrity gossip rag. God do I love celebrity news/gossip! Thomas Kinkade is my favorite artist. I love pin-up art too! My favorite music artist of all time is Martina McBride. She puts so much emotion into her songs, I get goosebumps! I must see her in concert one day! My short term memory is terrible. You know the saying "I'd forget my head if it weren't attached"... That's me Totally me [ giggle ] Turns out I suffer from CRS. Can't remember shit! heh. I'm a tattoo lover! My first tattoo will be a beautiful black and white Angel, elaborately detailed shading, full antique style wings... with a fancy font (still undecided bout which one yet ] with the words.. "Angel with a Broken Wing". A very strong and meaningful symbol of myself, my life experiences, my growth... I've wanted this tattoo for years, and as soon as my budget allows, I'm sooo there. Vintage tee's rock my socks! My current fav is my super comfy baby blue Tee, very 70's style, rainbow splash with "Corvette" in lettering and an old school corvette image.
Photographs bring me joy. The best ones take me into the moment. Make me feel. A connection is made. A memory. A mood. Those are the ones that grab you. Instant favorites. Photographs you are thankful to have experienced. I adore portraits, photographs of children, pets, birds, landscape, retro, art nudes, b&w and so many more! Photography is an ultimate love of mine. The amazing feeling I get when I see something, a moment or image that I just have to capture. The shots that seem to fall into your
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Interests
Photography, Architecture, Flower gardening, Quotes, Poetry, Music, Lyrics, Advocacy, Psychology, Bird watching, Cats, 4-Wheeling, Walking, Swimming, Hiking, Yoga, Tivo, Flea Markets, Art, Shoes, Purses, Fashion, Celebrity gossip, Message Boards, Long scenic drives, Horses, Reading, Barns, Churches, Conversations, History, Harley Davidson motorcycles, Classic cars, Stand up comedy,
Photography, Architecture, Flower gardening, Quotes, Poetry, Music, Lyrics, Advocacy, Psychology, Bird
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Old Friends...Become New Again
July 9, 2008 1:37pm
God blessed me with a wonderful gift last week.My best childhood friend and I were brought back together again.I poured out my heart in an email to …
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Loving an addict is the hardest thing I have ever experienced, filled with heartache, disappointment
July 1, 2008 12:15am
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Breath
Loving an addict is the hardest thing …
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My reply to board question
June 30, 2008 11:15pm
(Question asked on Bipolar Board...)
So i just got back from my appointment. My pdoc forced me take meds in front of them. My choice was to take the …
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The Characteristics of Bad Communication
June 29, 2008 3:38am
The Characteristics of Bad Communication 1. Truth- you insist that you are right and the other person is wrong. 2. Blame- you say …
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Hugbook
Hug
Hello and how are you doing? I hope everything is okay? kelly
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Hug
Hello and I haven't heard from you so I was checking in to say Hi and see how you are doing.
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Hug
Good evening I wanted to say hi and send you a hug. I had a busy day as usual and ned to get ready for bed. It is friday already the weeks go by so quick. How are you doing?
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Hug
hello and how are you tonight. kelly
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High Five
Hi hope you have a great day too.
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Bipolar Disorder
Treatments
- Acceptance Working / Worked
- Fish Oil Working / Worked
- Taking for depression, bipolar, andd add as a supplement to my medical treatment. Seems to work for me, and it provides extra health benefits!
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- It's a godsend for me. Finally, I know what internal peace feels like. Before, I'd be jumping out of my skin 24/7. Seroquel magically erased my sever anxiety/jumpiness/restlesness and it slowed my out of control thoughts. Before I started Seroquel, it was like my mind was on extreme fast forward. Seroquel = Relief for me. Before Seroquel, I was consumed with paranoid thoughts. I can walk out the door now. I'm no longer agoraphobic. My magic pill! The downside is that I gained a ton of weight because of it. 50 pounds.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- Support, love and understanding from my friends and family is one of the most important tools toward managing my mental health
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- I've been stable now for months, and I attribute it to my change from from paxil to zoloft. This is the longest I've been stable, and it feels so wonderful! I actually look forward to each day. Life is good =)
Close Codependency
I've been in a relationship for four years, two of those years were spent being terribly emotionally abused. I went into therapy, and by bettering myself I learned boundaries and self esteem, and have since turned this relationship into a much healthier, happier place to be. Looking to continue on this path =)
Treatments
- Education (School) Working / Worked
- Music Working / Worked
- Pets Working / Worked
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- Talking Working / Worked
Open Healthy Relationships
I've been in a relationship for four years, two of those years were spent being terribly emotionally abused. I went into therapy, and by bettering myself I learned boundaries and self esteem, and have since turned this relationship into a much healthier, happier place to be. Looking to continue on this path =)
Treatments
Open Families & Friends Of Addicts
A friend I love very much is now in prison 15-20 yrs. for manufacturing meth.
Treatments
- Talking Working / Worked
Open Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
angelmarie hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Meth Addiction & Recovery
angelmarie hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
