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krisg88 
Happy New Year to my DS friends! One resolution I've made it to procrastinate less and journal more. January 2nd...hmmmmm. Not off to a great start, but here goes.
Relationship status is that we're still "working on it." I almost let him ruin Christmas after much effort on my part to make it good for him. He drank too much Christmas eve, was missing his sister (died in a car wreck shortly after we got together) and his brothers (both out of state) and since I was the one here, I got to deal with it. Somehow I am the source of all his family issues??? Curious. He sobered up Christmas day, was very apologetic and is "through drinking." I'm not quite believing that, but he comes to my mom's for dinner and the day overall is ok.
New Year's Eve we planned to stay home. Didn't know that meant he would be asleep before 10 pm and I would be left to entertain myself. I finally laid down on the couch around 11:30 pm and drifted off. Awoke to midnight fireworks and went out on the porch to see the show. He did wake up, come out and wish me a happy new year with a kiss. What he said was, "this will be the first of many single, sober new years." WTF??? "I meant sober, baby." Yeah, ok.
New years day... An early morning discussion/argument where he threatens to go get drunk & high all day, but he quickly apologizes and says he didn't mean it. I guess I have a hard time differentiating...I understand in relationships you take the good with the bad, but how bad does it have to be before it's bad enough to end it?? I still struggle with trusting him. Have an overnight work trip coming up and wonder if his new found sobriety will survive that. Most times when I've had overnights, he ends up acting like a teenager who's parents are out of town. I really hate that...especially the calls that aren't answered because he's passed out (if that's really why) and feeling like I'm somehow responsible for his sobriety. He did that thing that gets me...my face in his hands, eye contact, "Kris, you can trust me. I'm not going to do anything stupid to mess this up." We shall see...
Comments
Kris, Happy New Year! Relationships are so tough, especially when you love someone so much and they have alcohol/drug problems. But, it sounds like you are being careful and trusting when you are able. Trust takes time, especially when there has been doubt and betrayal involved. Stick to your resolve and determine what your bottom line of all bottom lines is going to be and judge every situation against that mark. No one is perfect, and your boyfriend will mess up from time to time, make sure those slip-ups are things you can tolerate and fit wiht your bottom line. I hope 2008 brings great things for you Kris and LOTS OF LOVE & RESPECT you DESERVE it!!!
auntieweewee
kris my girl...this entry has brought tears to my eyes...damn you! i swear, i really do think we are cosmic twins...as are our men...i so understand where you are & what this is like. and honestly babe...it scares me that i understand it. is he willing to get any help? any rehab? any anything? or does he think he can just do this cold turkey? my new years eve was similar. i understand the feeling as tho you (we) are responsible for all the prior "crap"...no matter what it is, i end up being the one who pays some type of a price for it. i don't understand. and i don't exactly trust either. that is so hard. it's not so much that i think he's going to cheat, it's the drinking thing. he just can't seem to limit himself. one is too many & a million never enough. it makes me nervous. it makes me angry. but the thing that both of us have to realize, accept and put our foot down about is...we are NOT responsible for their being sober or drunk. it is NOT our issue. we CHOOSE to be with someone who has those issues - but it is for THEM to correct. we can help, we can support - but it's been very difficult for me at least to recognize the difference between supporting/helping and enabling/co-dependent.
and yeah, the friggin' "face in the hands" thing...jeez that gets me every f'ng time. there has to be a limit somewhere. a place, a line in the sand, a something that i (we) decide...enough is enough & i (we) are not willing to go past this point. and if that means the end of the relationship, then....so be it. there has to be more to life than this kris...doesn't there? there has to be more to a relationship than this almost constant back & forth, up & down. i know some of that is expected of course, no couple is perfect, but is it really really suppose to be this hard, this much? maybe we can just help each other figure out what is the right thing to do is. i know i am strong. i know you are strong. we are leo women - we rule! but...we are also so very soft and mushy inside (tho we don't want anyone to really know that!) i think we both just would love to be taken care of a bit..and not always have to be the one doing the "taking care of"....we ARE strong kris. we CAN draw that line. and we CAN walk away if it isn't healthy or loving enough for us anymore. very very scary i know. i don't want that. neither do you. but we may have to face that at some point. i promise to be here for you my sister...and i know you will be for me too.
i love ya!
pitbullmomma