tryingtosmile's Journal

So where does committment end and giving up begin?  When you promise to love and cherish and care about someone for the rest of your lives and they change their mind, how do you then just shrug your shoulders and say ok?  What does that say for the dedication to your own committment?  Should it be that easy?

I wish it was that easy.  I wish when someone breaks their promise to you, you could just turn around and say "Well, FINE THEN!"  and go your own way.  But if you could switch off your emotions so easily, what does that say for the depth and strength of your committment in the first place? 

Part of why I am afraid to move on maybe might be that it is accepting that words, be it from me or anyone else, if they are so easily forgotten, are just meaningless.  Someone can look you in the eye and tell you anything and then not live up to it.  If the very most important person in your whole life can do that, the person you most cherish, your spouse, how than can I ever trust anyone else to be committed and live up to what they promise me?  The magic of love and marriage becomes just that, an illusion.  Something that feels so real and tangible and suddenly becomes a hologram, a puff of smoke and it's gone. 

The safety and security of loving just one person that you can count on to be there for you should not be an illusion.  With billions of people on this planet, shouldn't there be just one for every person so that their lives are not alone?  The sheer numbers and distance from each other makes it impossible to find that person and what happens when you think you do, trust in their words and smiles and loving gestures and then they leave? 

Am I really supposed to just shrug my shoulders and say "Well FINE THEN"?