Snowindresden's Journal

Today was ok. I'm working really hard today, i wanted to go to the store and pick up some unisom, so i could sleep early and i wont be tempted to binge.

I need something else to make me go to sleep.

Ok, so what i've eaten today is:
- 1/2 an apple (breakfast)
- 1/2 an apple (lunch)
- Steamed carrots and celery [about a cup] (dinner)

And thats it for today. No messing around.
I'm going to get some more cigarettes too, to kill off appetite.

It really is too soon to say though, its only 8pm, and i always binge at night. In fact, i would love nothing better than to go right now and just stuff everything into my mouth. Bread, and hot dogs, and turkey, and cookies, and crackers, and more bread, and pasta.

GAH

But i will NOT. I cant keep doing this to myself. I've got to find some sort of healthy place where im not over eating and not undereating.

I know, that today, i didnt eat a bunch. And i know thats like, what leads to binges, but im trying still

I'm just going to keep writing because im so scared of binging. I'm scared of food! I'm scared of being bored, tired, sad. I hate the control food has over me.

I HATE THAT I CANT RESIST ANYMORE

I used to go days, weeks, without eating. And now walking into the kitchen is the biggest battle of will-power i face every day.

I think im going to meditate tonight. Maybe, take a long shower, relax. I just need to tell myself that there is just no more food tonight. Thats it.

I'm just playing with font colors. :D

I wish myself luck with this tonight. Wish me luck too.

I can do this.