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Snowindresden 
Again, sorry i've been gone so long, alot has happened.
I've stopped binge eating, but unfortunatly i've started going back to my restrictive habits.
My usual pattern now is to fast for three or four days, eat for one or two, then fast again.
Its all this pressure with school, and theatre. I'm applying at theatre schools and i have a production coming up in november, and my costume is very small.
:/
And, secretly, i'm back at the point where i dont want to get better, i want to loose weight and i want to loose alot of weight.
I can feel it affected every aspect of my life, my family, my friends, my school work. When i'm fasting i cant think in school, and my grades are suffering.
Comments
Im sorry i havent been on in a while, thank you so much to all of you who think of me :D
I'm not doing well. I cant control the eating, and ive been doing amphetamines again. I dont know, im so stressed, school is starting soon. Its no excuse.
I just need to sleep for a few days, refuel.
Is it bad that all i want to do is get more. loose more. self destruct more?
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Be strong, you have it inside you. As for the amphetamines they are not healthy for you and if you need to take a diet pill check out this site www.myalli.com.. It is FDA approved and works only on your digestive system, I believe with this plan , small portions of food through out the day that are healthy and walking you will feel much better.
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...thanks? but i dont need a diet pill, i need a weight gain pill!
But im not taking the amphetamines to loose weight
Why does my mother feel she has to pick me apart because of her own insecurities? This is what happened tonight:
I bought this all natural granola from the market, and its chocolate flavored, and i go to eat it and this is the exchange of conversation at the table:
mom- "oh god, thats it when i get back from boston everyones eating nothing but salads"}
Me- "its all natural granola!"
Mom- "ugh, its got chocolate... you guys (my dad) are pigs"
My natural instinct is to either quit eating, or start binging more, in the display of teenage rebellion.
But instead, im trying, i really am, to just keep eating healthy.
It still stings though, to hear that. I know she thinks im a failure because i've gained weight, i know she thinks i'm not a good daughter because i'm not as thin as she was at my age.
She's thinner than me now! She never eats.
Ugh, this is a time when i really need support from my family and they're telling me to go to the other way.
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hey just stay true to urself do things for u to keep u healthy and happy not for mom or anyone else!
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The family backgrounds of women who binge are interesting. Many of these women report mothers who were critical, rejecting and they were eating disordered. For example, one patient in my practice had a mother who was obese. Mother and daughter would engage in eating vast amounts of food when the patient was a child. Binge eating came to be identified with the patient’s mother and represented her love and their private and blissful moments together. Another patient had a mother who was angry, rejecting and unpredictable. The mother would insist on restricting the food her daughter was allowed to eat. This was followed by the inconsistency of the mother taking them both out, in secret, to eat large numbers of donuts. However, the mother was extremely thin and restricted food intake for herself and her daughter most of the time. In both cases, these mothers were experienced as extremely intrusive.
http://www.the-bright-side.org/sit...
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(Quote from article at bottom - not my words)
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Sounds like your mom is suffering from a eating disorder and she takes out her frustrations on you and your dad. Next time she says something like oh god when we all get back were having salads -say no mom you can do that if you want but I am going to eat what my body asks me for because if i don't It will trigger a binge and I don't want to suffer from a ED all my life like you.
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ok well.... try to make a lil plan of eating small light things everyday but be careful,have things u are comfortable eating in ur plan so u dont end up in a binging cycle again!!!!! try to have small amounts regularly and dont force urself to eat if ur not hungry! try for (as a guideline) breakfast,morningtea,lunch,afternoontea,dinner and supper. For me the guideline food plan is like this
B=yoghurt M=coffee (trim flat white) L= salad sandwich A= apple D=grilled veges and salad 1 piece bread s= yoghurt and apple or hot choc.
Having this as a guideline for the week works for me as i get my groceries and use this eating plan as a guideline something similar could work for you! Atleast it stops the fasting and irregular unhealthy eating. Just take it slowly and food which are comfortable for you! Atleast u will start to have more energy to concentrate in class!
Soph827