Journal

Well, I knew it was coming...only a matter of time till the Dr.'s were going to need to change my meds for Bi-Polar. I didn't realize till recent, that I have been in a funk this entire year and perhaps the last 2 mos of last year. That's a long time. Things in my life, I used to once care about don't anymore. I don't socialize, I don't take care of personal things that would make me happy.

It's been a long year w/many ups and downs. Work,home,softball for one daughter and being a taxi for the other daughter to work.

But, things are looking up. I finally said, lets go for it and make medicine changes. Am ready. Thankfully, this has only happened one other time in 10 years where all my meds have to been looked at and it's a slow process. But, mentally I am ready.

I am not sure what is worse, having an STD or a Mental disorder. I have to say, I would not want to have bi-polar. It's not something that is hidden until you meet someone, like an STD. Everyone can see the changes in personality,moods etc. I don't know what to think anymore. It's very frustrating. I know I need to have some support locally and perhaps one to call in the middle of the nite when I need it. Hopefully that does not sound crazy. But I had an anxiety attack several times at nite, and was reaching to call someone. My mother of all, didn't give me what I needed or knew how to calm me down. She has bi-polar, but is so lost.

Anyways...am rambling a bit now. I feel good in the changes I am choosing and will look forward to a happier year.