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kweeks2006 
12:20pm, March 7, 2009
Life is so stressful and hard. I hate having such a angry household and blended family.
My daughter is home as it was to much on her and her boyfriend. They tried and I am so greatful for that. Now my husband has been so irritable and always has comments to say about my daughter. I no she is not perfect and has alot of issues with her behavior but I am trying to help her everyway I can. I try to make peace for everyone and it is tiring. I love my kids and Taylor has been espescially hard, but her dad doesn't help and I am her mother, I have a job to due in life and I can't get rid of her. I am torn and I am tired of not having support, a loving hand a loving hug and a nice tongue. His anger to me is just not exceptable. We need to be good role models even though we fall short, we still need to show love and support. I think Taylor will never be good enough for my husband and its sad. I have to take care of her and if that means we move out, I think I need to. I just need alot of support as it has been a hard situation for alot of years. I love my family but my husband's anger is making it hard. We have a daughter together and I would never want to divorce as she wants her mom and dad, but how do I make sure its healthy for Taylor. I can't change him and how he feels about her, how he treats her. I no she has caused alot of hardship with him, but he acts like her. It is so hard, I will get through, I will do what is best. I just need support as I don't have it with him. I wish I did, I feel all alone. Thank you all for hellping me!
Comments
kelly i understand what you are going through as i have been a stepdaughter to my mom's hubby. she ended up staying with him as i could not stand him and neither can anyone left on my mom's side of the family. i left home at age 17, but i graduated. we dont have a relationship like a mother/daughter should. i'll help you in any way i can my opinion is he needs anger management. my hubby acts the same way but the kids we have are ours together. hang in there and keep in touch love and hugs barb ps my leg is not as painful tonight as it has been so thanks for asking.
msattitude36
Kelly you do all you can and it sounds like then some. Remember you have a life here also and you are important to. Take care of yourself to. You have grown children and you can only do so much for them the rest is their destiny in life.
Life is short maybe you and your husband can get away for awhile together to get alittle r & r ? You deserve it.
elainebr
I have a 19 year old who has put us thru hell and the minute he was done his sister (who is now 17 and a half and no longer lives here)started in. It is so hard and it WEARS on your soul. Try to take care of yourself-yoga and Buddihst philosophy has really helped me. I feel guilty and second guess myself all the time, but when I see someone else do it-like you, I realize how futile it is. There is only so much we can do for these kids who are bound and determined to DO WHAT THEY WANT. You are only one person, be kind to yourelf. I hate to see your marraige suffer so much. Your daughter will be gone in three years and then what? Is ther any chnace that your husband has valid points, but is putting you on the defensive?That kind of stuff can really be helped in therapy. Getting you two on the same page is probably the most important thing right now.
chacy
Wow Kelly. Your home situation is SO similar to mine it is scary. The only difference is that I left my husband nearly 5 years ago. It wasn't and still isn't easy, as we have a 5yo son together and he, like your daughter, wants his mum and dad to be together too. But where do you draw the line when there is another child, YOUR child and not your husband's biological child, is concerned? It's really hard, I know. I have a 14yo with ODD and Conduct Disorder, so I know ALL about having an angry household, believe me. Made all the worse by living with a husband who, as you said in this journal, will 'never be good enough for him' and well, who HAS caused a LOT of strife, trouble and angst in the household, who DOES get into a lot of arguments, blues and situations that 'normal' kids don't. My husband, dare I say it, HATES Nick (my 14yo) and speak OF him and TO him abominably. He bags Nick every chance he gets, both to me and anybody who will listen really, so it is very VERY hurtful both to Nick AND to me, as Nick's mother. I understand you completely when you say that you can't just kick your daughter out, that you are her mum and you will do whatever it takes to help her in whatever way/s you can. Yes it is tiring at times. Sometimes, I get sick and tired of all the yelling, screaming and downright fighting (verbal only) in my household, even WITH my husband gone for so long. My son still has his problems, whether WITH my stbx or just living with me and my youngest son. Sometimes I wish I could just run away and dream of a peaceful life, a life where everybody wasn't just so damn 'high needs' and one where everybody respected each other and their rights withIN the household, let alone outside of it too .. but with that nowhere in sight right now, I have to just keep on keeping on, letting Nick know I love him, doing everything I can to help him (getting him regular counselling sessions with a clinical psychologist, to name one) and well, trying to provide a home for him where he knows he is wanted and loved .. a safe 'haven' for him, while also trying to lay down boundaries about his behaviour with me and little Sam (my 5yo). Chacy is right when he/she said that there is only so much you can do for these kids though .. I agree that therapy is a very REAL, HELPFUL medium for you and your family right now. It's still hard, as no matter what you discuss in there, it has to be 'WALKED THROUGH' not just 'talked through' .. and that's always the hard part hey, where the bitumen really meets the road so to speak .. SO .. I pray that things pan out for you guys .. ALL of you. Also, I hate to say this, it's very cliche .. but the grass ISN'T always greener on the other side. I have found that the problems I had with stbx's anger about things, situations and my son in general .. didn't go away when I left. I still had to deal with him whenever he picked up Sam, rang up about him, etc and whenever something went wrong with Sam, Nick was and IS always blamed .. and most of the time, it IS Nick's fault, dare I say that. He is a lot of trouble most of the time .. and that didn't stop when stbx moved out either. So .. it's a big decision whichever way you go. I pray that you will make the right decision for you and your whole family. You are such a strong woman and once again, I agree with Chacy .. be kind to yourself.
sospeciallyme