rusty1's Journal

Well, I am still here and still alive. I am still amazed everyday that I am still living without Tina. But God has His plans. I am doing ok, still have some bad days when all I want is to cry and hold her in my arms. Today was bad. I was cleaning and ran across some of her notes to me and pictures that I hadn't seen in awhile. That really is so hard to look at those things, touching the things that she touched, that she wrote. I still cry so hard sometimes I can't catch my breath. Boy, I have decided that this pain will really never ease up, just maybe won't come as often. But when it comes, it hurts like crazy. My oldest daughter and I cried over the phone the other day. We both miss her so much. I pray and ask God to help me live in the present and look toward the future and not to live so much in the past and beat myself up over things I should have done or shouldn't have done, etc. That just never helps. I thank God for my daughter, Cathy.  She is such a comfort to me. I love her more than she will ever know. I guess to end this, I just want to say I am doing so-so, better than I was. It sure does take time....maybe forever, who knows. I am just doing it one day at a time.