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rusty1 
11:06pm, November 9, 2009
This is the third holiday season without Tina. Time has gone, where did it go? I came to the realization the other day that this is how I am always going to feel. It just will not get any better, the pain, grief, longing for her. I know all of my friends here on DS know exactly what I am saying. It is really depressing to think that this is it. No matter what I do, I will never know the level of happiness I did when Tina was alive. It it weird, there are times when I am having a good time with my family, almost ready to feel happy and then I think of Tina. It just stops.... that "almost happy feeling" is gone.
I feel so much sadness and pain for those mothers and fathers who are just now going through what I have gone through. It seems like new mothers and fathers are added to Daily Strength in huge numbers on a daily basis. They will all be in my prayers as will all of my friends here on DS.
Now Tina's husband is so very sick. He has been having seizures off and on since Tina passed away. The last one he had, he fell and hit his head hard on the cement. He was rushed to ICU. He was out for a couple of days. They found bleeding on both sides of his brain. He has a blood clot in his brain. He did come out of it, but they told him if he seized one more time, that would be it for him. This poor young man has been wanting to die since the day Tina died. He has also lost his father, one brother who hung himself and one to an overdose. Plus he lost his best friend since grade school, plus his wife. All in a span of two years. He said he has nothing to live for anymore. I kept trying to talk "sense" into him about living, going on, etc. But after thinking about it and putting myself in his place, I finally had a long talk with him and told him I understand. And I do.
Comments
It will be two years this coming July 5th that Tina passed away. It seems like yesterday, it seems like forever. So many memories, feelings. Some days I am fine, then there comes an especially beautiful or sad memory and I am right back to July 5th, 2007. I realize now that I am better than I was, thanks to everyone on Daily Strength. Wow, what would I have done without you? I wish I could meet all of you when you go to your get together, but that just won't happen, at least this year.
I know now that today, right now, what I am feeling is how I am going to feel for the rest of my life as far as Tina's passing. The pain has eased up, somewhat. That is the best I can hope for. My life goes on and I live for the other's in my life. Like someone told me, I will never get over it, I will just get used to it. Well, somedays yes, other days the pain and grief are like it happened yesterday.
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I know the feeling, it will be 3 yrs this coming March for me, and some days it does feel like yesterday all over again. But we have to live for them.Love, Wilma
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I just passed the two year mark. This last year was definitly much better than the first but the only thing time really does is remind us of the void. We have to make the choice to live and find joy again. I think somedays the memories carry us through and other days the memories come flooding back and remind us of our loss, but we have all been blessed by each other on this site. I know I have met so many wonderful women that have made me a better person, you included. I hope and pray your angel day is filled with beautiful memories and you can remind yourself of the blessing of having Tina in your life. I know the time was much too short but how awesome to have her as your daughter. Love to you. Robin
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I am learning to accept that the hole will remain with me forever. I will think of you on July 5th as Tina makes her angel date. Love, Belinda
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It has been 21 months, I too live in fog. Each day that passes is one closer to when I can be with my son. This is the new normal.
Here I am once again, dealing with the pain of my girl's passing. It has been almost two years. Mother's day is coming up. It still hurts. When I first came to Daily Strength I was so devastated, but thanks to so many wonderful people, I have slowly worked through some pain. It was and is comforting to know that so many know exactly what I am feeling. I am still so surprised that I am alive two years later. I really didn't think I would make it this long without my Tina. But here I am. I am greatful for my one living daughter. She has been such a blessing to me. I love her so much. Life does go on, just not the same.
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Like you, I have found Daily Strength to be pretty much a "lifesaver" for me. This will be my first Mother's Day without my beloved son, Michael. And the 22nd of this month, it will be 6 months since he died. Half of a year already! I have survived nearly 6 months. Incredible! Love and Hugs to you. Belinda
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I have found so much help and comfort here from so many people. Together we are all made stronger. I am having a hard time with Mothers day too. I have a hard time being a mother with no living children. It seems a day of pain and torture to me, but I know I'm not alone and I;ll make it,Just as you will too, love Peggy
Past Entries
This is my 3rd season also. Seems so hard to believe..... I miss Kala every single day, but have finally given myself permission to live a happy life and I am. That's not to say I don't have my days, of course I do, I always will. But for the most part, I am now able to fully engage in life, laughter, and love. Is it the same as "before"? NO. But I do have a life worth living and I'm thankful Kala is still a part of it. I'm so sorry to hear about your son in-law. He's had so much pain and loss in his life. It just breaks my heart. I will keep the two of you in my thoughts and heart, hoping for both emotional and physical healing. Be gentle with yourself and take care, hugs, Teri.
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