laurikis's Journal

MY FATHER IS NOT VERY WELL, I FEAR

My father is not very well, I fear
His body is growing old
He'll soon go home to God, I believe
But I just can't bear letting him go

His once handsome face is well hidden
Behind all those wrinkles somewhere
He's not quite as tall as he once was
And gone is the black, wavy hair

His step once so strong, now falters
He can't do too much with his hands
He's afraid to go out on the street after dark
He's lost most of his family and friends

He always repeats the same stories
That he's told me dozens of times
But I never let on I've heard them before
For one day, I'll cherish each line

He always had the right answers
He never showed any fear
Ever in charge and so sure of himself
Somehow that's all gone with the years

So many things I've forgotten
Over all of the thousands of days
As I sit here and try to remember them now
I wonder, why did I tuck them away

Like standing for hours on the corner just watching
For his car when he came to Spokane
Or the Christmas Eve when the ceiling fell through
When we were just leaving for Gram's

Or how about that grand day of passage
While I was still but a tyke
When I turned around to discover
He had let go of my bike

We also shared many heartaches
Like the day we buried my son
I think he felt it his life's final chapter
And lost much of his will to live on

So many years of memories
How can I even start
To write them all down on paper
Guess I'll just leave them here in my heart

He bandaged my scrapes and kissed away tears
Stood by me through life's ups and downs
Now I am the parent, he is the child
It's so strange how life turns around

What thoughts reside in his memory?...
His tears come so easy these days
Perhaps God gives us fair warning
To prepare us for going away

Soon he will leave us behind, I'm afraid
I'll try to muster the strength he taught me
For the man I have known since the day I was born
Will live only in my memory

When we take that last look at his dear face
And bid him our final goodbyes
If but I could feel his warm hand in mine
Helping me through that sorrowful time

My father is not very well, I fear
And the worst part about it will be
That the sad day I'll need him the most in my life
He will not be there with me

                                    Laurikis, November 16, 1995
                                             (My father died on November 17, 1995)