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lilval30 
9:01am, July 21, 2009
I am so sad - sadder than I will ever be. My sweetie passed away July 5th at 1PM. I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. As it wasn't suppose to have ended like this - our relationship...our future...our plans and goals that we talked about so many times. I am mad as well. Life is beautiful yet it is ugly.
I am so extremely sad today. Possibly more sader than I were a couple of days ago. I've been spending time with my sweetie and he's been given less than a week to live. I see his pain more than I've seen it before. He know and understand what is about to happen to him but it's going to hurt me even more when I want to call and he won't be there to answer.
I wonder what is going to happen to me during this difficult time in my life. Not having him is going to be like missing a twin or left leg. But at the same time I know that I am going to make it - it's just going to take a little time that's all.
I feel very unsure of what my future might hold especially since I am very unhappy with life right now. But at the same time I feel like this won't last long but it has in some ways. Currently I am in college studying accounting and I'm not for sure if that is what I truly want to do w/ myself. At the same time, I don't know what I want to do. I can remember a time when I knew and poof, all those thoughts just went away.
