Journal Entry for November 22, 2009
November 22, 2009 11:21am
I feel very sad today...
I feel like I have no drive or ability to even make art. I'm wasting my gift. I'm a waste.
Progress
25 %
lonekitsune
6:25pm, November 19, 2009
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About Me
lonekitsune
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About Me
Abused by my father when I was 2. Didn't realize it until I was 28, thought that it was just depression my whole life, but it turns out I am bipolar and suffer PTSD. I'm an artist, sex has been an issue for me in the past, but now I am much better with. I am now just more cynical towards the war between the sexes, or me against men, rather. One would say I dislike them, but at the same time, I like them a lot. Oy. I'm a very passionate person. Anyways, if I hadn't met my ex, my best friend in the universe, I would be completely hopeless about the whole hetero male population. I have a feeling had I not been abused I would be very comfortable with it and with my body. My weight (due to thryroid issues, not just sitting on my ass) also makes comfort with my body hard. I also have issues with women's place in this world and am trying to find a place where ideas of inferiority due to my gender don't torture me into the desire to stay in bed. Needless to say, working on my grief and sadness.
Abused by my father when I was 2. Didn't realize it until I was 28, thought that it was just depression my whole life, but it turns out I am bipolar and suffer PTSD. I'm an artist, sex has been an issue for me in the past, but now I am much better with. I am now just more cynical towards the war between the sexes, or me against men, rather. One would say I dislike them, but at the same time, I like them a lot. Oy. I'm a very passionate person. Anyways, if I hadn't met my ex, my best friend in the
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Interests
Art, manga, the paranormal, animals, the beach, video games, creating, looking for ways to get in shape, taking things apart because I think I can fix anything with a "nothing to it" attitude and then discovering I broke it and cannot put it back together even in the manner of which I took it apart. Actually, I don't so much like the last thing I typed. Kind of a drag...
Art, manga, the paranormal, animals, the beach, video games, creating, looking for ways to get in shape,
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Journal
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Journal Entry for November 19, 2009
November 19, 2009 6:24pm
Since I have had gastric bypass surgery, I have had trouble keeping up with exercising. I think part of it is I feel I don't deserve to …
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Grrr!!
June 9, 2009 3:35pm
I'm back everyone. I hope you are all doing well.
I feel that I am nobody's type. Maybe I am fooling …
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Hugbook
Hug
Miss seeing you on here. Hugs
Flower
Well done wanting to challenge your thoughts. Go for it!
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Hug
Have a good weekend :)
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Flower
IM SO GLAD THAT YOU STILL WITH US. YOU AND YOUR SISTER ARE IN MY PRAYERS. I WILL INCLUDE YOU IN THE PRAYER CIRCLE TONIGHT. JUST HANG IN THEIR SWEETIE. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. HUGS'M'LOVE, NIECY
Flower
I'm hoping and praying that you are feeling better. hugs, Debbie
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Families & Friends Affected By Suicide
An estranged friend of mine had committed suicide in 2004. She was out of my life after a falling out and came back earlier that year. We were becoming close again, and still sometimes feel that I should have done something to save her. I found out I was abused like she was, but it was too late. If I knew sooner, we could have helped each other better.
Treatments
- Talking Working / Worked
Close Food Addiction
Had a food addiction since I was little. It has always been my drug of choice, now am struggling with my weight, partially due to that and my thyroid issues. People tend to scoff at me because I say with all seriousness that I have a food addiction. If you can get addicted to booze, you can get addicted to food. So, pppffftt!
Open Bipolar Disorder
Treatments
- Abilify Considering
- Insurance co is cheap and said I couldn't take them. We'll see about that.
- Depakote Not Working
- gained 70 pounds... like I needed that.
- Risperdal Not Working
- gained 30 pounds of water and slept for days on end.
- Seroquel Not Working
- not doing much but making me sleep... so I guess it's working because I can't cycle when I am unconscious.
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- never did anything, but still on them.
Open Sexual Abuse
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Emotions Anonymous (EA) Not Working
- was there a few years ago, just felt like it wasn't for me.
- Music Working / Worked
- getting a little better at guitar, just recently picked it up again. Also want to start piano again.
- Talking Working / Worked
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
lonekitsune hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Female Sexual Issues
History of abuse has made sex an issue for me my whole life. Now I have Lichen Schlerosis and the thought of having sex is more scary, because my skin is so fragile right now. I feel alone and no one else knows much about this skin condition. It's not contagious, or related to cancer, so I should be grateful, which I somewhat am, but I am also bitter about it, thinking I will never be sexually normal, nor will I find a patient enough man to have a sexual relationship with.
Treatments
- Relaxation Considering
Open Depression
Treatments
- Effexor Somewhat Helpful
- 1996 - worked in the beginning and gradually stopped working
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- still taking
- Luvox Not Working
- 1998 - not much improvement
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- abuse support group weekly, individual sessions w/ above facilitator weekly, regular therapist weekly.
- Zoloft Somewhat Helpful
- 1999 until 2006 - It worked for a while, then I noticed I was taking too much, I was numb. Decreased it, was fine, then it started to not work.
Open Personality Disorders
Type: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Dianosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in September.
Treatments
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Not willng to say it is working because I feel I am intruding on my friends' and families lives with my crap.
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Groups
