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startingover76 
8:50pm, October 7, 2008
Wow, this place has really changed since I last logged on here! Well, life is an incredible journey. I have not been back to work since my suicide attempt after Thanksgiving. I also have received no disability pay. That means I am out of money now that the holidays are over, and my parents have had to take over my finances until I get back to work, then I have to pay them back...which puts a burden on me ever moving out! I DID have a wonderful Christmas with my family. It was the best one all of us had had in years. About this time I was also talking to a guy on match.com and we were planning a date. the date went great, so we made New Year's plans. Well, the guy lives an hour away, and when I started getting ready my parents gave me the riot act, about spending the night with a guy a barely new, and the snow storm that was hitting, and why did I have to drive. they forced me to call him and ask him to meet in the town we met at for our first date...they were going to drive me. I was sooo embarrassed to make that call. But he agreed, and we had a nice night, just rented a bunch of movies, got some Italian take out, and well, I ended my vow of celibacy. So, it ended up being a great evening. But when I got home, the parents really weren't talking to me, so I just slept through the day, and the next was about the same, and I crept into a deep depression. We had a family talk, and I begged them to just let me go because no matter what I try, I will never be happy. Of course they refused to let me die, and called my doctor the next morning. He wanted to admit me again, I didn't want that, so I got him to just see me for an appointment. He wanted to do shock treatment on me! he said because I have been on the verge of suicide so many times this last year it may be the only way. This would be an in patient thing. They put you under for it. The first week I would be in the hospital and have 3 treatments, then go back twice a week for 3 weeks for more treatments. he said I may lose my memory while I was being treated. I begged him to just up my medicine that he changed when i was last in the hospital, and if that didn't work, then I would do it. I had to try to save some aspects of my life. i have my final interview for the new job the 17th, and would like to see where things go with the new guy. Guys, I am truly back to the starting over phase. I am scraping to get by, and I know I have been MIA, but I need some shoulders to cry on, and some advice from my old friends. Please help!
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i am here for you
xoxoxox
stormy60
Good morning!!!! I feel you are a big girl and can control your own life. It sounds to me that your parents want to control what you do.You nee to learn to make some decisions on your own good or bad.You need to get into some kind of counseling- maybe co-dependent . I have been going to counseling for over a year now and I have learned a lot. When you try to kill yourself is a big cop out. Life is what you make it. When you were getting ready for your date your parents had nothing to say about it they were just trying to control you. You can't change them but youcan change yourself. You take care and I will be talking to you soon. Suzanne
ssuba