startingover76's Journal

I missed my future nephews game today because I just can't imagine getting out of bed and putting anything but pajamas because I feel like none of my clothes will fit.  My boyfriend went to the game and came home and woke me up and the first thing I did was cry about the money, and my weight, and me not being able to work or drive.  I was able to cheer up for a few hours and then fell right back down because no matter how positive he is, I can't keep my mind off these things, I just can't.  I told him I may need to go back to the hospital because I am past my breaking point.  He called my parents, and they told him to give it a day, and hide my pills.  He came back and we talked, and for now I am okay, but I know now that he is asleep, I have several hours to just sit here and let it get to me again.  I do have my nightly candle lit bath to look forward to, that eases the migraine some, and I will watch a scary movie until I finally get tired enough to sleep.  I guess the biggest fear I have in the back of my mind is when is it going to be too much for Mike?  He has been there through it all, and HE is the one who is going to get a second job to help get me out of debt.  I am so lucky, but I feel horrible because right now I can only repay him by keeping the house clean.  I wanted to give him the world when we got together, now, he is carrying me on his shoulders to get me through the next day.  He says that is what you do when you love someone, and I whole heartedly agree, I just wish I could be tho one saving him.  It makes me feel awful that I have brought him into this.  I love him so much, but I can't show him until I can get myself physically well, and back to work, and start acting myself again.