startingover76's Journal

Auuugh!  I know I haven't beeen here for sooo long.  I have moved in with my boyfriend, and he is sooo great, but since we moved in I have become sick again...physically sick...which is wrecking me emotionally.  I am now out of work indefinately because I have fainting spells and black outs, and I have 3 doctors trying to figure out  why, but until they do, I can't leave the house, because I can't drive.  I feel horrible because I can't work out, because standing too long brings out  the fainting spells, so I have gained 40 pounds in the last 6-9 months.  The only comfort I get is sleeping, watching scary movies, and eating, which now is once again followed by binging because I can't work it off anymore.  And I know that it sure doesn't help me feel better.  But, knowing my clothes don't fit doesn't even make me want to leave the house, I feel ugly.  My boyfriend falls asleep at 11, I go to sleep just before he gets up, mostly because the neurologist put me on such a high dose of predisoone that I can't fall asleep, and having no life other than keeping the apartment straight doesn't give me much need to fall asleep at any given time.  And don't get me started on my bills.  Mike has taken all of my credit cards...I told him too, and I am looking at a third of my salary if I was WORKING to pay them all off, plus all the medical bills that keep coming in.  My company switched to a lower grad insurance, and it is barely paying for some of the tests I have had done, where by now, I would have met my dedutibles,  and been free for the rest of the year.  If any of my friends are still out there, I could use a few hugs, and some words of wisdon...

Kristy