Tired...but happier
October 7, 2008 8:47pm
Well, I had to make the decision to stay up all night last night and all day today so I could fall asleep with Mike tonight. I have been …
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startingover76
8:50pm, October 7, 2008
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About Me
startingover76
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About Me
Due to some recent wrong turns in my life, I have found myself with a great boyfriend, a wonderful apartment, two loving cats. What's wrong? I am having fainting spells that have put me out of work indefinately, also keeping me from driving, until doctors can figure out what's wrong. I feel horrible all the time, I am in debt more than I could have ever imagined. I have gained 40 pounds from the paxil I have been taking for a year and a half, and now since I can't work out, I find myself throwing up my food again, which is something I never thought I would do again. At least I can say I don't want to die, but disappearing would be nice.
Due to some recent wrong turns in my life, I have found myself with a great boyfriend, a wonderful apartment, two loving cats. What's wrong? I am having fainting spells that have put me out of work indefinately, also keeping me from driving, until doctors can figure out what's wrong. I feel horrible all the time, I am in debt more than I could have ever imagined. I have gained 40 pounds from the paxil I have been taking for a year and a half, and now since I can't work out, I find myself throwing
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Interests
golf, bowling, music and movies, my boyfriend, and my cats
golf, bowling, music and movies, my boyfriend, and my cats
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Journal
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better day
October 7, 2008 2:20am
Today was a better day all together. I still went to bed at 5:30, but not before I made love to my boyfriend before he left for work. …
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Gotta make a change
October 6, 2008 3:32am
I really can't take what my life has once again turned into. My boyfriend went alone to his aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary …
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I need help
October 4, 2008 10:04pm
I missed my future nephews game today because I just can't imagine getting out of bed and putting anything but pajamas because I feel like none …
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I can't take it anymore!!!!
October 4, 2008 1:44am
Auuugh! I know I haven't beeen here for sooo long. I have moved in with my boyfriend, and he is sooo great, but since we moved in I …
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Hugbook
Hug
things will get better
Little Love
Hey girl!! I hope you are doing alright. I've missed you.
Snowman
I am trying to send all my friends on my list at least one hug and xmas wish.I hope that you and yours all have a safe a joyfull xmas.I want to remember those not so fortunate like the disabled,the old,the sick kids,and all the people effected by war and poverty.Christmas is all about giving,and a hug or gester of cheer has more value than any monetary gift you could give.So here is a giant xmas hug to you and yours during this xmas season. :(:( ***HUGS*** :) :)
I’m With You
hey there... thanks for the kind word. I hope you're well. I have a new crew of friends, so I"m better... Just on tonight cause I'm feeling hopeless. meh.
Good Luck
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionThis used to say after a major suicide attempt back in May 2007, I was a survivor, but now I am back to the old feelings of hopelessness. Does it ever go away?
Treatments
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Working / Worked
- I can no longer drink ever. Wine caused the panic attacks to start, so now I don't touch the stuff.
- Clonazepam Working / Worked
- No more panic attacks
- Paxil Working / Worked
- has caused me to gain sooo much weight, I am hoping my new doc can help me with this
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- haven't been lately, starting with a new doc in 2 weeks
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- at least they still have hope for me
Close Alcoholism
I started drinking wine because it helped me sleep. I never really drank before because my mom was an alcoholic. But, a year and a half later, I was up to a bottle and a half a night, having panic attacks so bad I could not leave the house, developed epilepsy again (had it as a child), and lost the love of my life all because of the wine, or at least the wine did not help things. Now, I am sober, but at my age, am wondering how I will make friends or meet men if I don't drink at all.
Treatments
- Cold Turkey Working / Worked
- I was hospitalized because of a suicide attempt, and was told the wine drinking was the cause of all my problems, so I will never touch the stufff again.
Open Codependency
I tend to find men with issues, and try to fix them, and also find myself giving away my independance that they originally love about me to devote myself completely to them.
Treatments
- Talking Working / Worked
- I am working with my therapist on this now.
Open Healthy Relationships
I am working on this in therapy now. I spent alot of years with bad guys because I didn't feel like I was worthy of anything else
Treatments
Open Financial Challenges
I am in way over my head. It started while I was living with my parents buying things for my new home, then I got the new home before I paid the cards off, now a third of my salary has to go to my medical bills and credit cards...right now, I can't work until they figure out what is wrong with me
Treatments
- Budgeting Working / Worked
- My boyfriend has my credit cards, and my bills and is working on helping me get out of this situation...Thank goodness for him
- Debt Consolidation Too Soon to Tell
- I haven't started this yet, but will probably have to, just have to find the place I can trust
Open Migraine Headaches
I am not sure if my fainting spells cause them, or my financial stress, but right now I have them daily, and I can't afford prescriptions even with insurance, so I just deal
Treatments
Open Eating Disorders
Type: BulimiaYep, I'm throwing up again. I'm not even trying to hide it. I have gained 40 pounds, mostly from meds, and I can't work or drive, so now I throw it up. I know it's not going to help me get physically better, but, I can't stand the idea of gaining more weight.
Open Dizziness & Vertigo
I have this dizziness, black out disorder, and the doctors can't figure out why. They always lead to a migraine, and now I am out of work indefinately until it is safe for me to work..no income= more stress=more spells=more migraines! Augh!!
