sassafrastea's Journal

Every day i have to spend in that house with him is so hard.. yesterday his friend stopped in my office on his way home from work for the second time in the past few weeks asking me "why?"  he wants details.. he wants drama, he wants me to say terrible things about him so he can go back and confirm to him what a horrible person i am because i want to be happy and reclaim myself again.. he even had the nerve to tell me that my decision to end it could be something chemical..or hormonal.. i told him if it is then THANK GOD something made me see the light.. and how unhappy i've been and why! good lord! some people just want to stir up trouble... as if i don't have enough!

meanwhile every day going home to him its tense..  you can cut the tension with a knife.. and he lies to me constantly.. he says things to other people things that just arent true.. and i even talked to him on Sunday and told him that i didn't want him to leave thinking this was all his fault.. that he did do the 'best he knew how' (which was pretty much nothing).. but thats all he knows.. nothing! and he said he appreciated me saying that.. so now what is he telling everyone?? that i've changed and that he did all he could.. lol.. God give me strength to get through this month!! he doesn't know what he feels.. he told someone that he's "sad yet happy, dissapointed yet anxious, angry, yet he understands (he thinks)".. he doesn't know what to feel.. that boy needs help!!

34 days and he's out of my life!! i will be so much better when he is!!  Looking forward to this weekend.. he's going to his sisters house for the weekend.. what a relief!!