SweetCarley's Journal

I've spent so much time working on fixing my life. I was in such a mess for such a very long time. My life is a disaster at best. But in the past few months I've been making great progress, and the best part is I've been doing it myself! I have been so proud of myself.

Recently I've had some major set backs... traumas that I just don't know how to handle. I've never been good at handling trauma. I have so much to battle every day with my depression being as severe as it is. I don't know where the strength keeps coming from to keep me going from day to day.  Every time I make some progress, I have an even bigger set back. I'm sure I must be the unluckiest person ever.

Plus I am single and alone. No one to care of me or support me. I'm home alone all the time, and I hardly ever see anyone. I don't work because my depression, social phobia's and other issues keep me from doing that now. It's been a very long time since I've been able to work outside my home like most people. My big dream for myself is to get to a place where I can do that. Finding a mate and making a decent life is a dream but it's such a wonderful thing, I'm afraid to let myself feel it for too long.  Every time something good happens to me it seems I have to suffer to pay for it, and the better it is the worse the suffering becomes.  

I don't include my family much because it has proven to be a major mistake in the past. Including my family has always made things so much worse for  me. I have only a few friends who try their best to help me but they have their own lives to lead and I'm sure they don't want to have to 'babysit' me all the time. Even if they did, I wouldn't want that for them, or for myself. I just haven't had the emotional strength to focus on my dieting as much as I should. Eating right is difficult but I am managing. But working out has become something that it just much more than I can handle.  I can't handle working out... how am I supposed to handle big problems in life?