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LanaG 
12:06am, July 27, 2009
"Father, let this cup pass from me.
But not my will but Thine be done."
I am sitting here tonight preparing and anticipating my trip to Colorado to the site where Alicia was killed. Some friends might tell me that this will only bring up old wounds. Well, if going is so painful, have I really healed those wounds? I need to heal. And while this will be one of the most difficult things I have ever done, I do need to do it. If I don't go, I will forever be asking myself about what happened, how could it happen, etc. So, I must go. I must face my fears and my pain. If I don't, I don't believe I will ever heal...I will be living a lie. And I know that not all my questions will be answered but a lot will be put to rest and then maybe I can move on to some sort of acceptance.
Alicia, my heart breaks tonight as I face going to the place where you died. It will be an "in your face" kind of experience and I will be forced to accept "reality". But at the same time, I am praying that I will be able to take yet another step forward to healing. Life will never be the same for me. I will miss you until I get to be with you again. But still, I can heal, and I can live a productive life in honor of you. Alicia, I wish you were here to wipe the tears from my eyes. Love you forever. mom
Comments
Lana...I hope that this trip truly helps you...I pray for strength, I pray for peace, I pray for you...Love and hugs...Karen
biowoman
It is so difficult when we have to face our "demons". I will be sending prayers your way for strength, peace and this "leg of your journey" to be resolved and dealt with. Remember that Alicia was doing something that she loved and that God had her right in the palm of His hand then even as He does now...love and hugs...Lynn
l8gra
Lana, I agree with you that this is something you must do.I feel it so strongly.Remember the Shack, remember he had to go to the worst place to find the answers and to hear Jesus and God and The Holy SPirit speak and comfort him. It was only by going back to the place he was wounded that he could start to heal.I will be with you on this sacred journey I know Skye will be along and I know you will hear from ALicia in many ways. I will pray for peace and strength for your journey. WIth love,Kate
katemc
Lana, I too hope this trip will give you some peace and some answers. I will pray that God will be with you at this time. He will give you the strength that you will need on this journey you are about to take...Love & hugs, Connie
ConH
Lana, Anything that helps ease your pain or helps you understand is all right, and it is good,No one else has to or needs to approve or understand. The way I felt and still feel, is that these (in my case more than 1 lost child) were my children, this is my pain, grief and loss. It belongs to me and I need to feel it and experience it to the fullest,or I will never get past it. No one else carried, gave birth, and felt the pain of their deathes,like us, their mother, for they were a part of us. I hope this makes sense. I want you to feel free to do whatever you feel you need to do to help yourself. I love you.I understand Peggy
grndmudder
lana, all my prayers go with u , we , our family , have goggled where aaron was killed in bagdad, a general that works with aarons mom , showed us how to get to the triangle of death as they call it , the pinpoint point of it actactually , its very sobering to see , i wish u all the peace that maybe this will bring to u , much love +pat
4grandkids
Lana I pray this is what you need. Keep an open heart and mind and be prepared for miracles. Love and hugs Cathy
RockstarsMom