LanaG's Journal

The tape player

The tape player
Plays over and over
In my mind
It repeats the pain
It repeats the loss
The fear rises up yet again
Trying so hard to protect her
Feeling the sinking in my stomach
When I hear the words “we lost our little girl today”
The screams of anguish,
The cries of NO! NO! NO!

The sinking feeling that comes
With the death of your child
Never ends
It comes and goes like the tides of the sea
It washes over your soul and fills
You with an unknown fear
It hits you in the pit of your stomach
And it never relents

I struggle with burying my child
It consumes my thoughts always
A mother should never have to bury her child
And the fear continues to overcome my senses
Panic and anxiety are now my constant companions
Praying for the day that I will once again
Hold my little girl in my arms.

In loving memory of Kimlan and Alicia
And all the children who have died before their time