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Lilly20M 
1:17am, July 25, 2008
Last night i tried to do other things. I watched some cartoons, played my neintendo DS. and then I even tried to go to Bible Study, but nothing worked.
I had phone sex with some random guys.
Today I went to work around 10am and then got back here around 1pm or so to watch some cartoons and be happy for the holiday. I tried to get online and have phone sex again with anyone but when the person tried to call, they could not get through. So then i realized that my phone was out. I called the phone company and they couldnt help me but know that my number has been deleted.
God is working in my life but im just so confused.
I have a problem. I know that, but how do i eleviate it?
How do I go about my days, months, and years, without masterbating?
I tried. Really Really hard. And i was doing so good.
I know what I do is a form of prostitution. God showed me in the Bible where it was punishable by stoning and cutting off body parts.
And since I've already fallen once, and I asked for forgivness... I got it, but now I cant ask for forgiveness anymore. I'm too dependant on being forgiven. Thus I'm going to Hell.
At least I tried.
Comments
Ok, so I'm working as a RA/CA for University Place Apartment Complex. I also work odd hours for my boss doing clerical work. I may also get another job, working for a guy I met online, who has agreed to stop having phone sex with me because of a revelation God helped me go through which dealt with harlotory and such. He wants to hire me to work for his company to oraganize classes and flights since I'm just so good at it. I'm too excited and I thank God every day for all has done for me thus far. I go to Bible Study on thursdays and feel my body tingle with the Holy Ghost as I enter the room and learn more and more each week. I'm so lucky, and I pray that everyone who reads this can feel the passion and sincerity in my words when I say, Praise God!!!!
UPDATED GOALS
Find and date a nice guy
Progress 40%
Encouragements: 1
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amen, girl!
SHE'S GONE!!!!! NO MORE ROOMATE DRAMA!!!!!!!!
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lily, my friend, im not the prefect perosn on gods words, i do read the bible and try to be a christian, but even christians are not prefect hun.
i rember somewhere in the bible it states that it ask how many times do you forgive a perosn and god said something like 777 times, that just est, i cant rember without looking it up. but god told us that we have to forgive other no matter how many times things they do to us.
that why god forgives you and as long as you are trying to try he going to forgive ya.
my thing right now friend, i not in the shoes of needed it. at one time that all i crave for, but after a bad marriage and a specail needs child and the other kids , i lost all my drive for it, it been 4 yrs for me and i dont know why im only 44. hell there woamn in the 50-70 wanting it and going for it. i feel like there somethng wrong with me.
anyway the thing i would try to do if this hard for you is when you have the urge for the phone thing or internet, got to god pray say god plz help me turn toward you and not what the devil want me to to, i try to find some good scrip in the bible and tyr to send ya. david was one man that had to have babsha, and he lost his son for his own self, but david cry and has alot of beautifl things in this psalms, and just finding the right one and mediated on it will help ya.
i here for you lily and i be praying for you, i know this is a very hard thing just keep god first and prayer and he will guide you. just keep telling that devil flee from you home and he not ruin what you and god has.
love ya in sister in christ.... i here if you need me.. love ya angel
angelina1982