Bonchi's Journal

I don't have the result for my mammogram yet and I'm also going to have a colonoscopy done because I'm over fifty and I was in pain last week, they seem like gases but I must have it checked up just in case.  I've been mostly at home and I feel I should do something different.  My doctor wants me to go back to the PHP, cause when I was going I was feeling great.  I'm under a lot of stress.  I also have to clean the apartment where I'm suppose to live if something happens to my mother, because I can't pay for this house since I'm disabled.  I'm afraid of that apartment because it used to have mice, I don't know if it still does and the office just sent a letter to all the tenants saying that vandalism is getting to be a problem in that building.  What should I do?  I've also never lived alone in my life, so I'm really afraid.  I know it seems stupid, but it's the thruth. I used to go to church every Sunday, I was even a Sunday School Teacher and was in the Music Ministry, not counting that I used to translate counseling books for my pastor, (from English to Spanish).  After having an argument with my pastor I left church, but I had a very good reason for leaving church, trust me.  I started going out dancing with friends, but I don't even do that anymore.  I started going to a different church, but it's not the same.  The thing is that I feel terrible, sad and lonely, I really don't know what to do about my life because right at this moment I don't think it's worth anything at all.  Please, forgive me my Lord for saying these things, but I can't help it.  I want to thank all my friends that had the patience to read all these, I know its not easy.  Blessing, Huggs and Kisses, Ivonne.