JeweI's Journal

I had an appointment with my dietitian today. I have been doing some questions and answer pages for her and it seems I have alot of Daddy issues. I use to think my Dad was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Now I am not so sure. He doesn't make the effort to call me or ever invite me over. I am always calling him and asking him out to dinner and stuff. I feel like he doesn't care about me at all. If you ask him he will tell you he is wrapped around my finger. How can he not see my disappointment when he doesn't call for weeks , months on end. It has been six months since the last time we talked and he acts like that is no big deal. My parents are divorced and I lived with my mom til I was 14. All those years with my mom he wasn't around and he always says "your mom wouldn't allow me to be around". Now I am thinking it's just not that way. He was too busy with his own life to be concerned about me and the abuse I suffered through every day. I prayed and prayed for my Daddy to come get me when I was a child. It never happened. I took my life by the horns and ran away. Then and only then was he able to get me out of that abusive place. Then when I moved in with him he was so busy with my Sisters Indian princess tribe that he didn't have any time for me. My mom was a horrible mother but she atleast came to watch me play softball and coached my teams. My Dad hardly ever caught one of my games. I traveled with my allstar softball team and my Mom and I spent the summers traveling and playing softball. I wonder if my Dad even knows we did that. I really enjoyed that time because I got away from the beatings and angry home life. I am really starting to realize my Dad doesn't really care as much as he says he does and it hurts. When I moved three states away he told me he wished he had spent more time with us but now that I have moved back home he hasn't made any effort to visit me or my son.

I am doing good as far as eatting goes. I can feel my pants getting looser. I haven't weighed myself in a few days. I haven't been able to work out because my 4 yr old has been home and I don't have anyone to watch him. He will be home for 2 weeks then he will start a new school. I have had a couple sodas but I believe I have broken the habit of drinking soda at every meal. And I have been getting up around 7:30. Yeah!

My grandfather is in the hospital. He had a stroke. My therapist says I need to develop a relationship with him and my sister that is seperate from my relationship with my Dad. I always count on my Dad to tell me what is up with them when I should talk to them individually.