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About Me
Brillante
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About Me
Check out the PTSD website Carrot of Hope! Every bit of support counts when working towards a PTSD cure! So, support fundraising efforts by pasting the link below into your web browser and rating reviews at: www.epinions.com/user-welleducated
Check out the PTSD website Carrot of Hope! Every bit of support counts when working towards a PTSD cure! So, support fundraising efforts by pasting the link below into your web browser and rating reviews at: www.epinions.com/user-welleducated
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Interests
Travel, languages (I speak Spanish and a fair amount of Brazilian Portuguese), music (alternative and Spanish rock), writing (children's books, advice, research - I love analyzing for patterns, fiction)hiking, camping, anything nature and outdoors, I love the green plants and do what I can to raise them in the desert, yoga, latin dance, running through parks & golf course & generally playing like a little kid, I believe in donating to education & animal interests & PBS, I'm a PBS junkie and, most importantly, when I am well I am determined to create an organization which trains social service animals to assist people with PTSD, agoraphobia, anxiety and depression.
Travel, languages (I speak Spanish and a fair amount of Brazilian Portuguese), music (alternative and
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Journal
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This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
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Hugbook
Hug
Sorry it's been a long time. How have you been?
Shout Out
Hi how are you?
Hug
Hi phoenix, Glad to see your still around, I worry about you. Just good to see your ok. Your in my prayers.
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Hug
Big hugs! Sorry it has been such a long time
Hug
oh my gosh. while i was reading this post i stopped breathing. i have been looking for something with 'teeth' to send to my pastor who along with anonomous church donors paid for one year of therapy in which the therapist would not let me escape the abuse in my childhood which included the sadistic and intentional cruelty of my so called mother and her best friend my older half-sister. they premeditated regular 'mocking sessions' until i moved out on my own after college at 21. while i was going through this intense therapy people at 'church' made disparging remarks to me and one woman, the president of the women's bible study asked me if i took money from the offering plate at a luncheon! another accused me of being on street drugs because i was on extended relief Xanax, and my eyes were dialated. another, the president of the church counsil said 'how long is this (ptsd) going to go on?' when i could not participate in a church activity during Lent last year. i was the church's 'charity project' and when i did not 'become fixed' by this therapist quick enough and when i could not enter the 'church' building because my body froze ... my pastor sneered at me, 'somebody has paid a lot of money for you to go to spiritual retreats' ... and let me give you some advice, 'you need to grow a thick hyde'! but she didn't mention how much the therapy which was paid by an anonomous donor had cost...which was thousands. i can't go back there to that church alone. i see such hypocracy. to think about meeting up with these 'harmers' who have seemingly normal lives makes me physically ill. about a year ago, my so called mother started mocking me. she said to me, 'well, if YOU THINK YOUR TEETH ARE BAD, YOU SHOULD SEE MY FRIEND R's teeth'! i said in my mind, I don't think i have bad teeth. i see a dentist regularly. i have no cavities. i don't whiten my teeth. i am still outraged at the sadistic intentions of my so called mother at her continued cruel and sadistic behavior intentionally caused to 'hurt me' so bad. i hate her. right now after reading this article i feel validated. those 'harmers ARE the sick and twisted people of the world' and i wish i could scream but i have no voice right now. i have been completely touched to my very soul by this article. and, that it may be 'dated' i am going to cut and past this and send it to my pastor. maybe, just maybe, she will have more understanding of this horrendous whatschamacalit, my preference is Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and that it is the only mental health disease in the DSM IV that has etiology makes 100% sense. i wonder if i will ever be able to dig my way out of the hole i fell into almost two weeks ago. i feel i am disassociating and left to represent myself in court come monday morning because i dared question my attorney about my case and 'what is the disposition'. i feel elated that i read this articla and in the same breath i feel completely shattered by the real truth, that we survivors of cruel intentions are stronger than our persecuters. Creeps. i will look forward to my pastor's response to this brilliant information. btw-the therapist who forced me to face my past never called me back when i tried to reach him again. he was friends of the pastor. i felt let down by the very person who would not let me escape a childhood that i wouldn't wish on anyone. thanks be to God that when i was pregnant i did re-parent myself as best as i could. i was so afraid i would be a child abuser and that i didn't give birth until age 27 helped too. i never treated my children like i was by my birth mother and i love my children with all my heart ... even though for the time being they have turned away from me for being physically ill for the past 4 years. but my brain is set in the 'i am going to be fine physically mode' although i know i will have to deal with PTSD at certain times forever because it happened over and over and over until age 52 when i said 'no more'.
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
I was harassed, went to HR & then was retaliated against. The department, division directors & sr. managers sat in rooms discussing how to get at me. Most were women. The #1 employee, in meetings I was used as a model for others. Aferwards, I was cornered in a room & berated for 3-4 hours. 10 months of that gave me PTSD.
Treatments
- Art Considering
- I would really like to paint as therapy. When some money finally comes in! :)
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- Uh, another sedative... it's not like they fix anything, but it's there if I want it. I think the point was something not as strong as Klonopin. *shrug* Not strong enough to elicit sleep at low doses. Recently noticed that if I mix it with Klonopin, it reduces the rage side effects. Of course, I sleep forever with those two and the Vistaril. It's like constantly being doped up.
- BuSpar Not Working
- Caused suicidal ideation. Affects serotonin (which may cause norepinephrine, a fight-or-flight hormone, to be released which would aggravate PTSD).
- Clonazepam Somewhat Helpful
- Use as needed only. Tends to lose effect over time if used as part of set dosing schedule. Seems more effective in response to triggers than as a preventative.
- Crying Not Working
- Just makes me feel tired and helpless.
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- The best thing I have found, next to the dogs. Thanks Doug and the gang!!! :)
- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Not Working
- DBT - Well, the counselor I had was probably useless... What I got from her (a pile of papers) was all skills I already had. So... maybe with someone who is an expert, but I doubt that's what I need. I think I need to get a therapist and the propranolol to work with me to deactivate my triggers.
- Elavil Not Working
- Led to suicidal ideation. Affects serotonin (which may cause norepinephrine, a fight-or-flight hormone, to be released which would aggravate PTSD).
- Geodon Working / Worked
- Affects dopamine & norepinephrine - two of the catecholamines - the fight-or-flight hormones involved in PTSD. Used this because doc says it's not as strong as the Serzone and I am med sensitive. This with the Inderal (propranolol) is as close as I have come to a cure! YAY! :)
- Inderal Working / Worked
- aka PROPRANOLOL: Digests rapidly. (For me, in 10 minutes.) Blocks the adrenaline response. Has changed my life. Stops anxiety sweats & shaking in its tracks. Now just need to take care of the other catecholamines that are part of PTSD. ;) Best thing ever, next to my service dogs! :)
- Paxil Not Working
- Gave me anxiety attacks.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Care is willy-nilly with providers changing all the time. The instability of the process is damaging. It's hard to find someone who works & then they are gone.
- Risperdal Not Working
- Is supposed to block dopamine - one of the catecholamines - a fight-or-flight hormone involved in PTSD. Will see what happens when used with an adrenaline (another catecholamine) blocker. Ended up being SO STRONG that no matter how small I cut it up, I was sleeping excessively, had memory loss and was often unaware of what was going on.
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- Led to suicidal ideation and had an allergic reaction. Affects serotonin (which may cause norepinephrine, a fight-or-flight hormone, to be released which would aggravate PTSD) AND keeps norepinephrine in the system.
- Writing Somewhat Helpful
- Journaling is fine, but it's not a solution. It can lead to insight. I find it more therapeutic to write down insights rather than try to discover them through the writing process. I seem to gain greater insight when "talking"... I think it's the effort of trying to figure out how to share with others that reframes the info & gives me additional insight.
- Xanax Not Working
- Led to a suicide attempt where I took the 100+ pills left in the bottle.
- Yoga Working / Worked
- A good yoga session feels like one has had a full body massage. My favorite instructors are Sara Ivanhoe & Gary Bromley. Try your library!
- Zoloft Not Working
- Led to suicidal ideation. Affects serotonin (which may cause norepinephrine, a fight-or-flight hormone, to be released which would aggravate PTSD).
Close Phobia
Type: Agoraphobia (fear of open spaces)I suffer from PTSD which has triggered agoraphobia.
Open Veterans
www.CarrotOfHope.org
