Well since my miscarriage I have …
Well since my miscarriage I have been feeling a bit better since my daughter gives me the strength to move on.I thought …
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KACKY 
8:32pm Tuesday
Sorry for the long absence. Camping was a lot of work but fun. I do have new pics to post, I will download tonight if I can. Diesel did great, about 10 other dogs or more, they all played, he had a blast, all dogs got along great, playing in pond and sand. He slept in our tent all night! Jimmy had loads of fun and it was nice and relaxing, I spent my day keeping an eye on Jimmy, taking pics and just enjoying with HOT and HUMID weather, heat index was 105 but there was a breeze.......
So having a hard time, not sure why I'm feeling the way I do. Just sad and not sure what I want or need to make me happy or what I can do to stay on track. I really need a friend or partner that can go to gym with me ya know but it's not gonna happen, it sucks. I hate doing things alone, I always have especially with Jim's schedule. I have a hard time staying on track but I have come a long way but should be further along for being on here over 2 yrs already. Just keep going up and down within 4-6 lbs, I hate that. It doesn't help when I don't eat the best or don't exercise, but what keeps me from not doing these things, I can't figure it out.
Anyways, last night I finally got my house cleaned, started at 5:30 pm and finished up at about 12:45 am. I was power cleaning, doing laundry, scrubbing bathroom and doing whatever needed to be done. We got back from our camp trip and just had no time to catch up so finally since Jim went back to work yesterday it was my day to get it done so Jimmy and I can have the weekend to do fun stuff.
We had a wake also on Tuesday so that took up the evening. A friend of Jim's dad passed, he was in and out of the hospital and nursing home for over a year, he was only like 66 though, too young. Then the next night Jim and I went out while Jim's mom watched Jimmy. We just had some sandwiches at a restaurant and walked across the street to the bar, it was nice just jim and I.
So I'm trying again today:
Food for today - 1/2 wheat bagel, cream cheese, banana, sweet n salty, cheese stick, mixed nuts, chicken, tomatoes, cucumbers - working on my 3rd bottle of water. Dinner will be light. Jim is at work so Jimmy and I have to go clothes shopping, he starts next Thursday already. Have to get a few supplies but pretty much done. I want to organize his clothes, his closet and just get things in order. I know we have homework coming up and I want to get on a schedule with him on that so we can stay on top of it all. He is going to a public school this year, he went to private for kindergarden and 1st grade so he's excited. He gets to take the bus too. The family next to Jim's mom has 5 kids but 3 of them are triplets, he is in one of their classes. They usually separate the 3 kids (2 girls/1boy) but Jimmy had 75% chance to be in a class with one of them, too funny! They are arguing on who is gonna sit by who on the bus.
So something new but we will get thru it with the new school and all and with Gram's help with getting him on and off the bus and watching him till I get off work unless Jim is off with his schedule.....
Anyways, sorry rambling but very sorry for not getting on. At my old place it was easier but not here and I don't have the time I'd like and it's best being busy at work right? It's not that I don't care cuz I do and it hurts me when I can't give you the time like you guys give me. I think I worry about it too much.
Well have a good weekend and will try to catch up later.
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It's a struggle, isn't it? I used to work out with a friend and found that drives me more, but don't have that option now with kids and living in a small town on the prairies. But that's what we have DS for right? Lean on us, and let us motivate you. I think that's what drew us to DS in the first place - we don't have nearby friends that we can work out with and we need people to lean on.
My kids go back to school next Thursday too. Didn't that go FAST? What a crazy summer.
I don't think you need to be hard on yourself though. I think you are in a good weight range and you are very active and very aware of what you eat. Just make it one good day at a time, and today we will kick some Friday butt, right??!!
gettingbacktoLaura
It is so hard Kathy. I am so sorry that you are struggling, it really is a constant struggle for all of us. I understand how much emotions play into eating, especially feeling sad and down. Have you seen a therapist about why you are feeling so depressed? I know you saw you doc about maybe your hormones being imbalanced in relation to your period, but I just worry for you Kathy :( I hope maybe you can find someone to talk to about this sadness you are feeling... You are too sweet of a woman, too caring and too LOVING of a person to be feeling down for days/weeks at a time. I don't think that the recurring cycles of sadness you are feeling is typical, and so maybe a doctor or therapist can help you figure out what is going on, which might help put better groundwork for your healthy eating and weight loss... I know I am not a medical professional so this is just my opinion. All I want is for you to take care of YOU and your emotional state and hopefully find the balance and peace you need. I love you so much Kathy. Stay strong and keep on fighting the battle- you are not alone. ((HUGS))
smileLisa
You said something to me about how well I do. I'm thinking you are missing something in how hard it is for me too. I have been in the 140's since April trying to get out to the 130's too. Just up and down up and down. Feels like there isn't enough hours in the day to exercise enough to make it where I wanna be either then there is the slipping I did with the food...ugh. But I ain't complaining look where I came from. You also have to take into account that your weight while it's not exactly where you wish for it to be has remained around the same. I mean you may have had more trouble without DS so I just wanted to point that out. You are healthy Kathy isn't that the main goal here? There is a lot to be said for having a support group that gets it and loves you.
Sorry about Jim's friend that is terrible. Way too young. That's a "parent date " for you, John and I noticed at our last wake that we always sneak out together afterward.
Glad the trip was fun. 105 is just ridiculous though. Nice job power cleaning. Wish I did that yesterday I have a bathroom mess to take care of now. Boo!
Anyway, have a great fun happy weekend. ((HUG))
Emily75
Hey Kathy don't feel down, we all know how hard it is. You have done so well to maintain a healthy weight. My weight is up and down all the times and its a constant up hill struggle to stay strong. I like you wish i could be good without trying and not focus on food all the time, but its in our make up and we just have to challenge ourselves a little more than others to overcome it all the time. I've still got 3 weeks before mine go back to school, just hope the weather perks up a bit we are still coping with rain and 70's weather!!! Take care and keep battlingxxxx
Kookachoo
Ooh I love what Em said about how we may have had more trouble without DS. And everyone's right - we all find it hard. Coming on here and talking to each other is such a help. Jeez, I was in the 190's for forever and a day, and now I'm stuck in the 180's for the rest of forever. It sure is harder now than when I was in my early 30's.
I got it wrong - my kids go back to school on Thursday the 27th. I like when they're home!
I love what everyone said, and I also am hoping you hear what Lisa is saying - smart girl - we love you and want you to feel like every day possible is a good day! :) (((big hugs)))
gettingbacktoLaura
Hi Kathy! I so enjoy having you as a friend, so hang in there ok? if it is not as often as you like, I can understand it. I feel that way a lot lately myself. Been feeling overwhelmed a lot lately with home and work. My son goes back to school on 9/1, so thank God I have a little time to prepare him. Jimmy is going to have so much fun on the school bus and meeting new friends! You are so blessed! He just sounds like such a terrific kid! I can "hear" that pride in your posts. Blessings to count on, right?
You are doing great. We all fall off the wagon sometimes- stress, boredom, mutiny, whatever! It happens. I am dealing with my own demons right now. You are an inspiration to me! You have a great support network: Jim, Gram, us! Whoo HOO! Do they have classes at your gym? Maybe you can join a class and meet some people? I would love to do that, but I hate the commitment part with having to be at the gym at a set time every week. My schedule is so kooky lately. Hang in there, OK?
Hugs!- Yvette
Kahlua13