Well since my miscarriage I have …
Well since my miscarriage I have been feeling a bit better since my daughter gives me the strength to move on.I thought …
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KACKY 
4:34pm Friday
So 21 days till Disney, the count down is on.
I am really upset that I didn't try hard enough to make my 30 day challenge. I made it 7 days and then 5 bad, why does this happen. So today is Thursday and I'm at it again with eating better and getting to the bike trail today. It's like I can't keep my weight down unless I'm killin myself with eating healthy and exercising regularly and with our lifestyle it's hard to commit 110%. We love food and with us that's having fun. We enjoy going out but we hate the price we have to pay when our weight goes up. I've been struggling with my weight for most of my life, basically since I was 14. My dad is over 400# and I knew that I did not want to end up in his shoes especially health wise. I've always watched my weight and when I met Jim I was at my heaviest 166 but then got down to 140's during our relationship before we got married. After I had Jimmy I was back at 166 then at my highest 184 so I knew I had to do something cuz I was not happy. So last year I joined DS and was at 164. Even though I'm down 20#, why am I still not happy? I guess I hate my weight going up and down still, I need to get to a healthy weight for me and learn to maintain for my lifestyle. I don't want to beat myself up and count calories and then exercise like a mad woman for a few weeks and then get burnt out and stop and gain what I lost back. I don't even know what I want right now really. My biggest thing is that I've been bingeing again and feel like I have no control. OK I'm better than last year weight wise but control wise not really, sometimes I feel worse and I don't know if it has to do with stress with money, work and everyday life. Disney is 3 weeks away and I know I can do this so today is a better eating day and walking for sure so all I can do is take one day at a time, listen to my body, listen to myself as far as feelings and maybe talk to my husband when I'm not feeling my best so I don't go into a binge. The scale said I was 149, over a week ago I was at 148 and then 142 and now back up to 149 - that is not good. I have a dr appt. Oct 4th for some blood work (get my cholesterol checked), etc. So maybe I can make a list of concerns that I can discuss with my dr and find out why I am having such a hard time dealing with my weight and eating issues. I used to be on meds for depression and ever since I ate well and exercised I was able to not take meds and lately I feel like I'm back into that depressed stage and that's why I think I go back and forth. Am I like this cuz I don't want to ever reach that weight again??? All this stuff just makes me think and I get all worked up.
UPDATED GOALS
Exercise Daily & Lose 10
Progress 20%
Encouragements: 11
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Depression is something I struuggle with too. It is directly related to how I eat though because I have felt "normal" for a while now. Talking to the dr is a great plan Kathy. Hope he is able to help you figure things out. I guess it's good you are going to the happiest place on earth right :) ?? I think most woman vary 10 pounds up and down. I hope you find a balance and are able to feel the way you deserve. You are a great person Kathy. ((HUG))
Emily75
Oh Honey. I wish I could come through this computer and give you a big squeeze. Talk to your doctor and see if maybe you need to be on some depression medication. It is good that you see it and can recognize if you do need the meds. I guess getting to the doctor and catching it before it gets too much for you to handle is the best you can do right now. And you have that under control it sounds like.
Just taking one day at a time and setting short term goals work the best for me. Otherwise, when I do miss a day of exercise or eating really crappy one day or two, I don't get so worked up that I say "the hell with it I have already screwed up this much why even bother??"
I myself have to get back on track with my exercise but with work, kids, karate, laundry, the list is endless (you know what I mean), I find myself in a pit of exercise despair. It is so frustrating!!
I will be your personal exercise buddy if you need to report to someone every day. I could use the motivation myself. If it something you are interested in, send me a message. I have been lacking in those departments as well. I could use the help.
You are a great person and anything I can do to help, let me know.
Jana
LolaSweetie
The last few years have been pretty tough on me too. I think talking to your dr is a great idea. I do think you are being really tough on yourself, I think it seems like you have been doing really good. Every day is a new one, try and look forward instead of back and focus on making each day a good one. (easier said than done, I know somedays...) Its a constant battle...we are all here for you and love you! BIG HUGS!!!
sweetcyndi
Hi my friend, just dropped in to see how you were and I'm glad I did, I think you need a Laurie land few home truths! You are doing brill, the great thing is you are in control and focussed. You are also aware of what is going on and what you do not want! The docs is a good start he or she will test what needs to be tested, you just keep praising yourself, remember I was with you when you first joined and I'm still here today, although not as much coz I'm so bloody busy with work.....we will always be up and down love, we are not perfect..you are the best always remember that, always here for you...take care Laurie from Laurie land!!!!! xxxxx
Laurie2
I'm sorry you have hit a rough spot. I am here for you and will help however I can. Just know that you are loved no matter what. We will help you reach your goals. Big hugs!!!
MrsBarker
I think talking to your doctor and expressing your concerns is a good idea. Depression and stress and take a major toll on your body and mind. I agree that you are being too hard on yourself, but if you are a perfectionist like me...it's not unheard of :) Take things day by day, lean on your husband for support and get yourself to the doctor. We are all here to support you and always here for you if you need anything! Take care of yourself!
NCFroggy