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KACKY 
7:54pm
Keep asking myself that question. Why do I have issues with food and why do I eat excessive amounts of food, why can't I limit one or don't have any at all. It's like food is taking over my life. Why does this have to be so hard? I was so good about eating right, exercising and being happy. What turned my life around?
I had a diet coke on my desk, just a few sips taken - I dumped out! No more, starting fresh today, right now, not tomorrow or next week - NOW. I want to be happy, I don't want to be this crabby wife and mom. I want to be happy and I deserve to be happy.
NO MORE JUNK, NO MORE POP, NO MORE REVOLVING MY LIFE AROUND FOOD! I need to find other things that make me happy or fill my time or voids in my life so I don't turn to food.
I do need to make that call and find a doctor that can point me in the right direction. It's like I'm ashamed to ask for help or admit my situation. It's gotta be done though. I just have to do it! No questions asked. I can't let this ruin my life anymore.
Jimmy started wrestling practice so my plan is to check out the location and see what I can do outdoors while he is practicing for an hour - whether it be walk or run around the building. Those times are available so I mise well take advantage of it and make no excuses.
Jimmy is doing great. Got his report card and straight A's. He did have a fun Halloween, thank you. He was the "Scream" character but the mask was red instead of white - and no he has not seen that movie. Someone did ask if he saw the movie. He's not much of a scary movie kinda kid plus I don't like them either. I used to watch Freddy movies when younger, couldn't sleep then.
Jim and I got the upstairs painted (living room, 2 bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen and dining room). We finished the boxing in of the windows and stained and varnished the trim to get window trim done. The beam in the living room stained but I have to varnish yet. We still are working with insurance to get the tile replaced in kitchen dining area. Still have to get reimbursed for the damaged items, working on that list. We did get our padding replaced (pcs), carpet restretched and cleaned. We just had our garage re-roofed, gutters being finished today. The next thing is to tackle the reckroom and then the basement. We have so much yard work to do also, but that might have to wait till Spring. We would like to try and put on the market this winter if we can but so much left to do and only us 2 doing this so it's tough and can be frustrating but we remind ourselves how far we have come along.
Work is slow, just trying to do my best with making sure we get paid. Looks like layoffs but hope I can hold onto my job. It's tough out there, no big projects on the books and it's tough right now trying to make p/r every week and paying vendors down. It's a tough job dealing with vendors but it's what I have to do right now so just do my best and be thankful for my job!
I really miss all of you and need to concentrate on getting on DS more. I need to journal and get my thoughts out here and off my chest. I think that would help also.
Well I'd better get off here and get back to work. Wanted to update since I had a little time.
Will catch up very soon!
Thanks for all your support and WE CAN DO IT! DON'T GIVE UP! DO THIS FOR U!
Comments
Just a quick update:
Day 5 has been great. Eating has been going and feeling better even with all that's still going on. Resisted donuts at work too. Looked up the cals on line and realized that it wasn't worth it, I didn't even have the taste for them. I think if I don't take that bite then I'm ok but if I take a bit then all goes downhill. I even brought in Halloween candy and have not had one piece - not worth it either, like 60 some cals for a mini pc of candy! Crazy!
Yesterday went to dinner with friend and chose a 380 cal chicken wrap (looked on-line, planned ahead) and it was really good. It's all about making better choices right? I'm trying so Day 6 here I come. Just looking at the big picture, making time and planning ahead and being more positive even in tough situations.
Hope to catch up with everyone soon.
Headed to get Jimmy here shortly and then head home, he has practice tonight so the evenings go quick especially with homework - spelling words, reading and math flash cards!
Hope everyone is doing great.
Thank YOU!!!! ~ Kathy
Comments
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Yay Kathy! Sounds like you are doing really great! Seems like we just need to get that momentum to swing in the right direction! Keep up the great work!
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Great Kathy!! One step forward. Don't worry about any steps backward. Focus on the forward steps. Love you!
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Yay Kathy! Donuts are my downfall too. And Halloween candy as well. I was eating a banana the other morning and was thinking how crazy it is that for 110 cals, you can have a whole banana or just a small bite sized piece of candy. You are right about it being all about choices. Focus on the emotional aspect as well. Why are you craving the food that will endanger your progress? We all have our inner struggles that drive us to eat eat eat. I am sending love and strength your way... BIG HUGS
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Goal Updated
Yes, I agree, maybe a professional can help you deal with the situation and figure it all out. You are certainly NOT a failure! One of my worries with this (just my opinion) is that if you deny yourself foods, that is makes you want it all the more. This is how my brain works. If I say "no more McDonalds french fries, EVER" all of a sudden I become obsessed with them. Then, when the opportunity arises, I over indulge. Is it possible for you to plan ahead and plan for some of this into your diet?
JoyceMarilyn got me hooked on Fitday.com. (I did download the program to my computer for $19.99 and find this easier than the online version.) But this really helps me with the big picture. And when I eat that cupcake and feel guilty, I go onto Fitday and see that I still ate less than 1500 calories for the day, so I don't feel so bad. Maybe that can help?
Is Jim being supportive over this since you last talked with him about this? I have a tendency to vent here since my husband is completely non empathetic and not understanding at all. I get minimal support from him re: weight loss. So I come here.
Hopefully things will work out with your job. I am praying for you! In the meantime, try to find a way to get in some exercise again! It will help you to feel better, both physically and mentally. OK? Strap on that pedometer and go for a walk.
Take care! I was so happy to hear from you! HUGE HUGS! I will be thinking of you. Love, Yvette
Kahlua13
Freddy gave me such nightmares! I am not a horror movie kinda gal either. But when I was in high school a boy I was dating made me watch a Freddy movie...and my Dad thought it would be funny to sneak into my room that night and cover up my boyfriend's picture with a picture of Freddy he clipped from the newspaper. I screamed my fool head off!!!
But it sounds like Jimmy had a great Halloween! At first I thought you meant The Scream...as in the painting...and I thought "wow, how cool" but the Scream character is cool too but like I said not a horror flick kinda chick so I'm not too hip when it comes to them.
Oh, Kathy, I know you have been struggling for so long with trying to stay on track and update and with all this craziness around you...but the no excuses attitude is the way to go. Good plan with getting some workout in when Jimmy is at wrestling practice. We've got to get what we can in when we can, right?
Food is one addiction it is just soooo difficult to overcome because we do need food...but we don't need junk food. Definitely make those steps to be proactive...call your doctor and address the issue head on.
You CAN do this Kathy, and I am here for you...we all are...to help you stay on that track!!!
(((HUGS))) Love you!
healthymamie
Hey Kacky I have seen your comments on our mutual friends journals. Hope you don't mind me chiming in here. When I started my weight loss I decided it would be slow and I would eat the foods I wanted to eat. I just had to figure out how that would happen..It took a couple of months to rework it all and get it tailor made to me! Good Idea on using that hour while waiting for your son!
JoyceMarilyn
Yep, I agree with JoyceM (who is completely awesome). It needs to work for you. If going hardcore NO MORE on anything at all isn't working for you, then try different approaches. I'm an all or nothing girl, so I understand the conundrum. I don't think men ever beat themselves up like this, or strive for perfection like this. It's OK to mess up. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong. But at the same time, society is now discovering the huge benefit there is to talking through even little issues with a third party like a therapist. There is no stigma attached to that anymore - it just means you are striving for wholeness, health and happiness. If you aren't happy where you are, then do everything you can to find that happiness - you are the role model for your child. You are such a great person and we all love you and are rooting for you 100%. Keep coming on DS, keep analyzing the situation, don't beat yourself up, and have that tried and true patience and perseverance. I am a million miles away from my goal and it feels like I am getting farther away each day, but my DS friends sure are teaching me how to love myself where I am at right now and how to not beat myself up so much. It's a good feeling to know that I am allowed to not be perfect. Phewf!
Love you!
gettingbacktoLaura
I know we talk all the time but I wanted to read Ur journal and let U know that I'm here for U 100%:)
N79
I agree with the ladies. You have to figure out a way to do it that works for you and that you can live with. Its so hard to find that balance and I know I struggle with it every day. I've missed you and will love to have you back! I think doing something while Jimmy is at wrestling is a great idea!! I love you Kathy and we will all be here for you no matter what!
sweetcyndi