cutesy's Journal

HI THERE, ALL MY DEAR FRIENDS!! I EVEN CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I AM ON HERE!! LOL I HAVE MANY TIMES THOUGHT OF WRITING IN MY JOURNAL AND IT SEEMED LIKE THERE JUST WASN'T ENOUGH TIME OR I HAD ENOUGH ENERGY, OR LESS PAIN TO DO SO. WELL, I AM IN EXHAUSTED AND IN ALOT OF PAIN AS USUAL EVERYDAY BUT WHAT CAN I DO HEY??? WANTED TO TOUCH BASE WITH ALL OF YOU. I HAVE BEEN READING ALL OF YOUR MESSAGES AND JOURNALS AND LOVING ALL OF YOUR KIND WORDS AND HUGGLES!!  I HAVE BEEN QUITE BUSY THESE PAST FEW MONTHS, MY DAD MOVED INTO HIS NURSING HOME CLOSE TO OUR AREA, SO MOST DAYS I DO GO AND VISIT AND DO MANY ERRANDS FOR HIM. WHICH I DO ENJOY, AND WE HAVE SOME NICE LITTLE OUTINGS. BUT, ON WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 16TH, MY DAD HAS DECIDED TO MOVE BACK TO BRITISH COLUMBIA, IN CHILLIWACK. MY MOM AND MY SISTER ( THAT I DO NOT GET ALONG WITH AT ALL) AND HER DAUGHTER HAVE MOVED THERE ALSO EARLY THIS JULY. MY BROTHER DAVE HAS LIVED OUT THERE NOW FOR ABOUT 20YEARS,. SO HE IS VERY HAPPY THAT MOST OF US ARE MOVING DOWN TO B.C.  WELL, TERRY AND I HAVE NOT DECIDED TO MOVE TO B.C. RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT, ALTHOUGH WE HAVE DISCUSSED IT EVERY NOW AND THEN. THE REASON BEING THE WINTERS ARE SOOO MUCH  MORE MILDER THAN OUR FREEZING WINTERS WE GET HERE IN ALBERTA. AND OF COURSE ALL YEAR ROUND THERE ARE GREEN LAWNS AND BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS! AND NOW AS MY FAMILY IS THERE TOO! WELL, NOT ALL OF US. MY BROTHER NORM AND HIS WIFE AND KIDS ARE STILL HERE IN EDMONTON, ALBERTA AND I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THEY WOULD MOVE THERE OR NOT. THEY SURE COULD AT ANY TIME AS THEY HAVE LOADS OF MONEY AND MY BROTHER IS IN  REAL ESTATE AND HE COULD DO THAT ANYWHERE. IT IS JUST THERE TWO GIRLS WOULD HAVE TO CHANGE SCHOOLS, BUT I AM SURE THAT THEY COULD ADAPT TO THAT CHANGE IN A DIFFERENT PROVINCE. AS FOR ME WELL, MY TWO GIRLS ARE HERE AND MY GRANDCHILDREN WHICH I AM SOOO CLOSE TO AND I WOULD MOST DEFINATELY MISS UNBEARABLY!! MY DAUGHTER CRYSTAL WITH THE TWO KIDS WELL, SHE COULDN'T MOVE EVEN IF SHE WANTED TO AS THERE IS A COURT ORDER THAT SHE CAN'T MOVE OUT OF THE PROVINCE AS HER X-BOYFRIEND, THE FATHER OF HER SON AUSTIN WOULD DEFINATELY NOT APPROVE OF THAT!!! SO, HERE I AM NOW MY MOM AND DAD WILL BE OUT OF MY LIFE, FOR I COULD MAYBE GO AND SEE THEM MAYBE TWICE OR THREE TIMES A YEAR IF THEY HELPED WITH MY PLANE FARE. I AM SOOO USED TO BEING WITH MY DAD AND WE HAVE GROWN SOOO CLOSE AND I CONSIDER HIM MY BUDDY THAT I AM GOING TO TRULY MISS HIM DESPERATELY! I AM STARTING TO FEEL A REAL DEPRESSION, HE WAS AND IS MY BUDDY THAT I AM USED TO VISITING AND HANGING OUT WITH MOST DAYS OF THE WEEK WHEN TERRY IS AT WORK! I KNOW I WILL BE LOST AND VERY LONELY MOST DAYS NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF NOW?????? WHERE DO I BELONG?? I ALSO HAVE BEEN DOING MANY THINGS WITH CRYSTAL MY DAUGHTER LATELY IN THE PAST TWO MONTHS AS SHE WAS FINISHING HER NURSING STUDIES. WELL, SHE HAS PASSED AND WE WENT TO HER GRADUATION ON AUGUST 28TH, WE ARE ALL SOOOO PROUD OF HER!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT IS A NURSE!! YAY! MY OTHER DAUGHTER SHANNON IS STILL WORKING IN THE BANK AND IS DOING VERY, VERY WELL ALSO, I AM SOOO BLESSED! CRYSTAL NOW IS LOOKING FOR WORK AND FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT AS THERE IS A NURSING FREEZE ON RIGHT NOW AND ALSO SHE HAS TO FIND A MOSTLY DAY TIME HOURS WITH THE TWO KIDS. I HAVE TOLD HER THAT I WILL HELP WHENEVER I AM ABLE. AND TERRY ALSO HAS COMMITTED HIMSELF TO BE AT HER PLACE EVERY MORNING THAT SHE WORKS ABOUT 6:00AM TILL 7:00AM SO THAT HE CAN TAKE THE KIDS TO THE DAYCARE THAT OPENS AT 7:00 AND THEN HE WILL GO TO WORK FROM THERE!! I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT HE WOULD COMMITT HIMSELF TO SUCH A TASK EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK AND SOMETIMES ON WEEKENDS WELL I GUESS I WOULD BE WATCHING THEM THEN. SO, AS YOU CAN SEE MY KIDS DO NEED US AROUND THEM AND I WOULD MISS THEM VERY, VERY MUCH!  BUT, I CAN'T HELP FEELING SOOO LOST AS WHEN CRYSTAL GOES TO WORK THERE WILL NOT BE ANYONE THAT I CAN BE WITH DURING THE DAYS OF THE WEEK!! IF ANYONE CAN THINK OF ANYTHING THAT CAN HELP ME WITH THESE DAYS AHEAD OF FEELING VERY ALONE, FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST. AND YES, I CAN'T WORK, AND I HAVE TRIED TO VOLUNTEER AND THEY NEED MORE OF A COMMITTEMENT WHICH I CAN'T TELL THEM EXACTLY WHICH DAYS I CAN BE THERE AND WHAT TIMES. I AM FINDING IT VERY HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHERE I WOULD BE OF USE IN THIS BIG WORLD WITH THIS SEVERE PAIN DAILY 24/7, AND EXHAUSTION THAT I NEED A NAP OR TWO EVERY DAY, AND ALSO MY IBS THAT IS UNBEARABLE ALSO!! WELL, MAYBE I JUST NEED TO TAKE CARE OF ME FOR A CHANGE????? MAYBE THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO FOR A WHILE AND THEN THERE IS ALWAYS HOUSEWORK THAT I SLOWLY DO DURING THE DAY OF WHAT I CAN DO. BUT IT IS NICE TO BE ABLE TO GO OUT FOR COFFEE WITH A FRIEND DURING THE DAY! THE FRIENDS THAT I DO HAVE WELL ONE HAS HAD A COUPLE OF STROKES AND CAN'T DRIVE AND SHE LIVES QUITE A DISTANCE FROM ME NOW AND MY OTHER FRIEND DELORES OF 34YEARS WELL SHE IS IN ANOTHER AREA OF THE CITY THAT IS HARD TO GET TO, AND SHE HAS HER HEALTH PROBLEMS ALSO, AND IS IN BED ALOT TOO, AND TRYING TO DO SOME VOLUNTEER WORK HERSELF. BUT, I MIGHT HAVE JUST ANSWERED MY OWN QUESTION WHEN I SAID I WOULD TAKE CARE OF ME FOR A CHANGE, IT IS JUST THE BIT ABOUT HAVING SOMEONE TO HAVE A COFFEE WITH OR A WALK OR A BREAK YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, RIGHT??? ANYHOW, I AM HAVING ALOT OF PAIN RIGHT NOW AND IT IS VERY LATE SO I AM GOING TO SIGN OFF FOR NOW AND I AM ALWAYS LOOKING FORWARD TO ALL OF YOU SENDING ME MESSAGES AND I LOOK FORWARD TO READING YOUR JOURNALS ALOT AND OF COURSE GETTING ALL OF THE HUGS AND KIND WORDS TO ME!! THANKYOU ALL AGAIN SOOO VERY MUCH IF NOT FOR YOU I WOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE ON MY COMPUTER TALKING TO THE MANY FRIENDS I HAVE HERE ON DAILY STRENGTH SO IN A WAY I AM BLESSED, THANKYOU, AND BLESS ALL OF YOU! LOVE AS ALWAYS YOUR FRIEND SUE XXXXXXXOOOOOOO