cutesy's Journal

WELL, I FINALLY HAVE A BIT OF ENERGY TO WRITE IN MY JOURNAL!! I WILL MAKE IT SHORT AS I AM TOTALLY EXHAUSTED AND VERY MUCH COGNITIVE THINKING AND WRITING AND UNDERSTANDING IS OUT THE DOOR RIGHT NOW!!! SO, PLEASE BEAR WITH ME FRIENDS!  FIRST OF ALL I DIDN'T IMAGINE HOW MUCH THIS CHRONIC FATIGUE, CAN GET ME THIS TERRIBLY BAD AND HOPELESS, AND DEPRESSED!! ABOUT A MTH. AGO MY DAD ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL, HE IS THERE BECAUSE OF .... WELL, SMOKING, WITH A OXYGEN TANK RIGHT BESIDE HIM!!!  USUALLY, NOW THAT HE IS LIVING WITH US MY DAD AND I GO OUT EVERYWHERE TOGETHER, AS HE HAS HIS APPT.S AND I HAVE MINE SO WE MAKE A DAY OF IT AND WE DO HAVE FUN!  ANYWAY, ABOUT 23 DAYS AGO AROUND DEC.21ST HE WAS UP BY HIMSELF AND IN THE HOUSE BY HIMSELF AND I HAD HAD TO GO TO MY APPT. SO I DIDN'T WAKE HIM AS USUAL, OR HIM ME. HE KNEW THAT I DID HAVE AN EARLY APPT. SO I JUST LET HIM SLEEP AS MUCH AS HE COULD.  I GUESS WHAT HAD HAPPENDED IS THAT HE WAS LIGHTING A CIGARRETTE WITH HIS LIGHTER, AND AT THE SAME TIME NOT TAKING OFF HIS OXYGEN HOSE FROM HIS NOSE! WELL, WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL HIM THAT THOSE TWO DO NOT MIX AND HE SAID HE USUALLY DOES TAKE IT OUT AT THE TIME AND SETS IT ASIDE. BUT, NO NOT THAT DAY, AND YES YOU CAN IMAGINE THE BLAST THAT HE HAD TO ENDURE!! HE IS VERY LUCKY TO BE ALIVE, MY DAD!!!! THANK GOD!! SO, WHEN I ARRIVED HOME THE FIRST THING I SEEN WAS MY COFFEE TABLE ON TOP OF THE COUCH AND A BIT OF A TURMOIL IN MY LIVING ROOM! ALSO THE TERRIBLE SMELL OF SOMETHING ON FIRE!! I WENT TO EACH AND EVERY ROOM CRYING OUT FOR MY DAD AND LOOKING EVERWHERE FOR HIM!! I THOUGHT MAYBE HE HAD HAD A HEARTATTACK OR SOMETHING AND THAT HE WAS LYING SOMEWHERE THAT I COULDN'T FIND HIM!! I WAS FRANTIC, SO I CALLED 911 AND TOLD THEM THE STORY AND CRIED AND ASKED WHERE IS MY DAD, WHERE IS MY DAD!!!!???? THEN THEY PUT ME ON HOLD FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES AND ANOTHER PERSON COME ON THE PHONE AND SAID THAT HE WAS TAKEN TO THE U OF A HOSPITAL ONE OF THE BEST HERE IN EDMONTON FOR SURE!! I KEPT ASKING IS HE ALIVE?? IS HE OK?? SO THEN THEY SAID SOMEONE WOULD BE HERE AT MY HOME IN A FEW MINUTES TO LET ME KNOW WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON????? AND TREMBLING AT TEH SAME TIME OF COURSE AND FULL BLOWN PANIC ATTACK AND PAIN THROUGH THE ROOF BY NOW!! SO,, EVENTUALLY A R.C.M.P OFFICER SHOWED UP AND EXPLAINED IT ALL TO ME, BY THEN MY HUSBAND CAME HOME AS I PH HIM IN MY TIME OF HIGH STRESS AND WAS TRYING TO TELL HIM THAT MY DAD WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND THAT WE HAD HAD A FIRE IN THE HOUSE, HE TOOK IT AS IF OUR HOUSE WAS STILL ON FIRE!! AND HE DROVE SOOO FAST HOME THANKGOD HE MADE IT HOME OK!!!! I WAS REALLY PANICKED WELL I THINK ANYONE WOULD BE IN THAT SITUATION WOULDN'T YOU????? SO, THEN WE MADE SURE THE FIREFIGHTERS HAD ALL OF THE FIRE OUT AS OUR TWO CUSHIONS ON OUR COUCH ARE BASICALLY TOASTED AND THE CARPET IN FRONT OF WHERE MY DAD WAS SITTING AND THE BOTTOM OF THE MAIN DOOR. BUT I DIDN'T CARE I ONLY CARED IF MY DAD WAS ALL RIGHT THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERED TO ME, MY PRECIOUS LOVING DADDY!!! ANYWAY, WE ARRIVED AT THE HOSPITAL BURN UNIT AND THEY WERE BANDIGNING HIM UP AND THEY WERE WAITING FOR A ROOM TO PUT HIM INTO. I GUESS WHEN IT BLEW UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DADS FACE HE WAS ON FIRE IN THE FACE AND HEAD AND NECK AND HE RAN OUTSIDE TO GET THE FIRE ON HIM TO GET OFF AND HE KEPT PUTTING HIS FACE IN THE SNOW UNTIL IT FINALLY DID GO OUT!! WHAT A NIGHTMARE FOR MY DAD, HE STILL DOESN'T KNOW HOW HE GOT THE ENERGY TO DO ALL THAT HE HAD DONE!! WE THANKED HIM FOR SAVING OUR HOUSE BUT WE WERE SO CONCERNED ABOUT HIM IT DIDN'T REALLY MATTER!!!  NOW, HE HAS STILL BEEN IN THE BURN UNIT FOR ABOUT 23 DAYS WITH NOTHING TO EAT OR DRINK!! JUST A HOSE IN HIS NOSE FOR MEDICATION. THEN TO TOP THAT OFF THEY FOUND OUT HE HAS AN OBSTRUCTION IN HIS BOWELS, AND THAT IS WHY HE CAN'T EAT ANYTHING THOUGH HIS MOUTH TO EAT OR DRINK! HE IS VERY WEAK! I AM SOOO BLESSED THAT HE MADE IT THROUGH ALL OF THIS NIGHTMARE!! AND NOW IS ON THE MEND WE ALL PRAY!! ALSO THIS XMAS SEASON IS ALWAYS A STRESSFUL TIME IN EVERYONES LIFE SO THAT JUST ADDED TO THE PRESSURE. BUT WE DID HAVE A GOOD XMAS DINNER AT MY DAUGHTERS CRYSTAL'S. THEN LATELY WHILE I WAS TRYING TO PARK FOR MY VISIT TO MY DAD I WAS IN THE LINE UP TO GO DOWN THE RAMP IN FRONT OF THE HOSPITAL TO THE UNDERGROUND PARKING WELL I HAD A LADY HAVE HER VECHILE INSTEAD OF DRIVE AND DROVE RIGHT BACK INTO MY FRONT END OF MY VAN! LIKE I NEEDED ANOTHER HEADACHE IT WAS 100% HER FAULT AND SHE AND HER INSURANCE KNOWS THAT TOO! BUT IT IS JUST THE HASSLE OF GOING THROUGH DIFFERNT CHECKS FOR A GOOD PRICE RANGE FOR THE REPAIRS AND THEN THE POLICE STATION STATEMENT, ETC. ETC. LIKE GIVE ME A BREAK ALREADY! SO, IF THAT ISN'T BAD ENOUGH MY FM PAIN IS SOOO TERRIBLY BAD RIGHT NOW!! AND MY CHRONIC FATIGUE IS WAY OUT OF WACK AND SCARING ME! FOR EXAMPLE I WAS DRIVING MY FRIEND BACK HOME TO HER PLACE FROM SEEING MY DAD AND I JUST ABOUT FELL ASLEEP DRIVING!! I HAD ASKED HER TO TALK LOUD TO ME AND I OPENED MY WINDOW AND TURNED UP THE MUSIC AND TRIED SOOO VERY HARD TO GET TO WHERE I WAS GOING AND THAT WAS NOT AN EASY TASK! THIS HAS HAPPEND TO ME TWO MORE TIMES IN THE PAST COUPLE OF MTHS!!! AND IT IS AFFECTING ME VERY VERY BAD! I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO??? I TRY AND NOT GO OUT FOR LONG OUTINGS AT ALL!! I DO NOT WANT TO KILL ANYONE OR MYSELF!! SO, I AM THINKING OF CALLING DATS BUS FOR THE DAYS THAT I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T DRIVE OR GET HOME !!! SO, LATELY I HAVE SERIOUSLY BEEN THINKING THAT I SHOULD CUT DOWN MY DRIVING ALL TOGETHER BUT DRIVE ONLY ON THE SHORT DISTANCES AND MAKE SURE I AM WIDE AWAKE WHEN I LEAVE. BUT I HAVE BEEN DOING THAT ANYWAY, IT IS WHEN I GET TO MY DESTINATION LETS. SAY IT TAKES 1/2 HRS. AND THEN SHOP OR GO AROUND TO PAY DIFFERENT BILLS AND THEN MAYBE OUT FOR A COFFEE WELL BY THEN I AM GETTING VERY TIRED, BUT ATLEAST I KNOW NOW THAT I CAN GO TO MY MOM'S AND LAY DOWN IN THIS INSTANCE. SO, CAN SOMEONE , ANYONE TELL ME HOW THERE CHRONIC FATIGUE AFFECTS THEM?? AND TO THIS DEGREE?? AND WHAT THEY DO WHEN THEY GET TIRED WHILE DRIVING?? I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE ANY INPUT THAT YOU MAY HAVE ON THIS MATTER!!! AS I AM GETTING VERY ANXIOUS WHEN I HAVE TO DRIVE EVEN SHORT DISTANCES NOW TOO??? PLEASE, PLEASE ANYONE LET ME HEAR YOUR EXPERIECNCE IN THIS MATTER OK?? I GUESS I HAVE MADE UP FOR ALL THAT I HAVE TO SAY RIGHT NOW!  I NOW WANT TO TAKE THIS TIME AND WISH ALL OF MY DEAR AND PRECIOUS FRIENDS A VERY HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR IN 2009!!!!! THUMBS UP! LOVE SUE XXXXXOOOOO