Join Now
nanaofbailee 
10:45am Monday
My friend, Wallyw, wrote a post in the ARMY group and it got me to thinking---lol not always a good thing!!!
The post was about respect and I didn't even know how to begin to respond without rambling on for pages, so I decided to write my thoughts here.
When I was a child, I associated respect with fear---being beaten on a daily basis, observing the awful rituals being performed and having them performed on my person, the bipolar fears that sometimes are unnatural and irrelevant but control every moment of my life and the fear of never being good enough or smart enough or worthy of having people care about me without expecting something in return.
As a teenager and young adult, respect was reserved for those who controlled my life and my thinking. No outside the box thoughts for me----do it the way you are told or the consequences were dire. This definition continued until I was finally on my own---receiving my own money, living by myself, reflecting on where I went friggin wrong in my life.
Now that I am in my 50's the meaning of respect has changed yet again. Respect meeans doing for my children: raising a grandson by a son who is a lost cause, living next door to a daughter who thinks that as long as "mom" has the grandgirls, she is footloose and free again not needing to give anyone the info about where she is and when she will be back, not speaking to another daughter because I am a "horrid, mean spiteful and stupid mother" who should have killed myself the day I found that she had been molested and ever-waiting for the phone call from the third daughter, drunk and wanting to tell me also how horrible I am.
I make every attempt to treat my fellow human beings with courtesy, caring, sincerity and helpfulness. To me this is respect, and all deserve it unless and until they crap on me enough times to make me mad. And then I will get over it, think about what could have caused the person to become contrary, most of the time forgive but for some reason I CANNOT forget. The Bipolar mind at work or just human nature???
I don't know, nor do I think I care. Maybe I am not respectful. Maybe I am mean-spirited, evil and do not have the right to receive respect. That's what my children think---unless of course, I have money to spend on them!!! LOL
I am a low-down, unworthy person.
I know it.
I believe it.
I just am.
Comments
DON"T YOU EVEN THINK THAT WAY!! You can only teach a child so many things, come to group and see , you are our family and we love you. My mom used to say that when kids are little they stomp all over your toes, but when they are bigger they stomp all over your heart! You have a beautiful heart and I love you. Pls support wally if nothing else just say that I support you, but don't be a doormat, it isn't the bi-polor talking it is exhaustion don't remember the bad past it won't get you anywhere. The bible states God gives you STRENGTH for today cause yesterday has happened and you can't change it, and tmr hasn't happened yet so don't know what battles will be fighting so fight for ttoday,,remember tough love when it comes to those grown kids,,it works but your a member of our family and all I expect is for you to want to be!
specialistwife
I HAVE READ YOUR ENTRY AND I WANT TO SAY A FEW THINGS. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THE DESCRIPTION PORTRAYS. I CAME FROM AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD YET I SURVIVED. YOU DON'T ASK FOR RESPECT FROM YOUR KIDS YOU DEMAND IT. YOUR DAUGHTER THAT DUMPS ON YOU SHOULD BE DEALT WITH. YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE KIDS SHE DID. BABY SITTING ONCE IN AWHILE ISN'T BAD BUT HAVING HER DUMP THE KIDS ON YOU JUST ISN'T RIGHT. SHE DOES THAT BECAUSE BABYSITTERS COST ALOT OF MONEY. I AM SORRY THAT YOU DON'T GET THE RESPECT YOU DESERVE. BUT YOU NEED TO SET THESE KIDS STRAIGHT. YOU RAISED YOUR KIDS AND IT'S THEIR JOB TO RAISE THEIRS.LEARN TO SAY NO WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH THEM. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF FOR IF YOU DON'T PEOPLE WILL WALK ALL OVER YOU.
specialists
oh my dear Cheryl,, I know how your feeling,,, as you know i to have a mother of my grandchildren that use the children against me to get what she wants,,, not having anything to do with my grandchildren hurts but, at least she cant try to manipulate me, if i want anything to do with my grandchildren she uses them to get what she wants, and trys to make me dance like a pupit on strings,,, I wish you the best, but really cant give advice on this one cause I am going thro the same thing, and dont know if I am doing the right thing,,, love you and am here for you,,, I dont think we should have to go through this because of our children,,, but when it comes time to meet their maker they are in some deep dodo,,, BIG HUGS
Jackie19467
Ahh, Nana....I think you need to do a "Louise Hay" and stand in front of the mirror and tell that person how wonderful she is and how much you love her, etc.
That lady is confused today, but we all know how wonderful she really is.
Hugs, Bobbi
Bobbi3
Oh nana you are worth so much more than you know. Some with the upbringing you have would not have the huge heart you have or the capacity to love as you do. Give yourself some credit woman. As far as kids go well mine also don't always like me too much either, we did the best we could with the tools we learned. Also maybe it is a bp trait as I can also forgive but don't forget, I pray hard for the forgiving but it doesn't seem to work for the forgetting.
You wouldn't have so many friends who love you on here if you were as bad a person as you think you are. Love ya wish you could too.
nutz
You are a wonderful person, and I am honored to be your friend
wallyw44
Wow Nana, you could not be more wrong about yourself. Sorry, but your children do not define who you are. I won't knock your children, that's a no no, but you got to cut yourself some slack, and start exercising your heart and mind towards recovering yourself.Respect is a two way street. Love yourself Nana, you're one of the good guys. xx
nectar