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Jennheimrich 
9:43pm, June 21, 2009
For those of you who know... Im again having issues with Ty. hes denied me intimacy when I asked, yet I catch him jerking off. RAGE! Anger! Pain, sadness, rejection....
Anyway.. last night I felt so hurt I had to get away from him.. thought I would go spend the night at a friends house, and just be done with it/with him.. Im too weak. I didnt stay away the whole night, I came back. I came back to find him after he'd drunk 2 quarts of a really strong beer, curled up in the back of his car... with a knife, and dark spots on his jeans. I dragged him inside, threw him on the couch, and went upstairs to sleep.
This morning I wake up and he's lying next to me. I dont want him to touch me. I dont want to kiss him, I feel awkward around him. EVerytime I see him pass by the computer now... I think to myself.. yep.. there he goes to watch more porn. Yep..
I cut. I relapsed BECAUSE OF HIM!!! Because of how he made me feel!! 22 cuts now decorate my arm.. they hurt today... dull blade.. DAMMIT. I drank too.. drank to try and forget my pain, and him.... didn't help. I drank 2 gallons of beer last night... and still thought of him..
RAGE, ANGUISH, ... Lost.
Comments
OKAY, THERE, GAL, YOU NEED TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE OR YOU WON'T HAVE ONE!!! HE CANNOT HURT YOU UNLESS YOU LET HIM. KNOW THAT YOU ARE GGOD, STRONG, SEXY, LOVING AND ALL THE OTHER WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT YOU. DOES HE MAKE YOU ALL OF THESE THINGS??? NO!!!! SO WHAY CSN HE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ALL THE BAD THINGS??? IF HE WOULD RATHER DO A HAND JOB ON HIMSELF RATHER THAN HAVE THE REAL THING THEN HE HAS THE PROBLEM NOT YOU!!! KICK HIS SORRY ASS TO THE CURB. CLAIM BACK YOUR LIFE. CUTTING WILL NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM... YOU KNOW THIS. IT WILL ONLY DULL THE EMOTIONAL PAIN WITH A PHSYICAL PAIN AND THAT IS TEMPORARY. PLUS LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOUR LOVELY BODY AND FOR WHAT... FOR HIM??!!! LAY OFF THE BOOZE, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT IT ONLY MAKES THE DEPRESSION WORSE. IT IS ONLY A QUICK FIX AT BEST AND IT SERIOUSLY IMPAIRS OUR JUDGEMENT.COME ON, GET WITH ME HERE!!! I'VE NOT BEEN ON LINE MUCH THE LAST FEW DAYS FOR PERSONAL REASONS. BUT I WILL TRY TO CHECK IN HERE TODAY AS OFTEN AS I CAN AND HELP YOU THROUGH THIS CRISIS. YOUR FRIEND, DEBBIE
SlipperySlope
I'm sorry you cut, hun. It's okay. dont beat yourself up about it. you deserve better and shouldnt let him get to you.
HUGS
Unreachable23
Im too attached. Ive trusted him whole heartedly to this point, I cant leave now.
Jennheimrich
At least consider it Jen please...he is damaging you...
Marigolds